I was browsing today at Paolo Coelho's site and I like one comment there. I think it is worth to have it here. The link to the whole Paolo's post is below. The one comment I am copying here. Hope Thelma will not mind.

My Mother used to tell me: “Perfection is not …. human”!!! If something was not always ‘perfect’ my Ancestors used to say: ‘Let something ‘up-side-down’ for the … Evil Eye’. It is in the Greek Mythology and genes, to be afraid of … jealousy and the evil eye: the Gods were …. causing troubles to the ..happiest, most beautiful, mightiest …, so that people would remember that we are not… GODS! :-))) Looking back for me is a … nostalgic game! I remember the .. bright lights but the ‘burnt’ lights too! I always say that the ‘burnt lights’ may not have given me joy, but for sure, they have added to my Wisdom and have enriched my .. Cosmos! They are the ‘Cyclops and Laestrygones’ carried in my .. soul and manifested in my WAY! Blessings, LOVE, Thelma xxx

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/12/30/burnt-light

the big win of a women kind..

truly it is monogamy. imagine a women, she can't afford to just give herself to everybody as that would not follow her "woman" code.. she wants to have babies and to raise them, she needs also somebody to take care of the family, which is the man. man, naturally wants to sleep with many women as that follows his natural position, to make as much as possible women pregnant, which would ensure the flow of his own kind. therefore I assume monogamy is the big win of women kind as it is "against" the men kind and serves the purpose of matriarchy. Take it nowadays, many men are under the command of a woman, wife, lover.. whoever.. nowadays the men are (this is only a part of my opinion) a walking sperm private banks, truly, among men live many scientists, thinkers and hard working men. Yet we can't tell being a mother is no hard work. Still it comes naturally that women is taking care of kids while men are working to feed them and taking care of their material future. The question is, would women reach the number of scientists and thinkers without being bothered by their natural call (which I mean the pregnancy and kids raising)?

All the fuzz around..

Why now? Why not when it was needed? Vaclav Havel, our former president died just before Christmas. Now all the newspapers are writing about him which is good. But why now we want to claim Vaclav Havel as the man of the year? Why now we start to listen to his thoughts? Isnt it a bit late? Havel was for such project as united european nations, which truly is the european union, but nowadays (and it was also before the crisis) majority of the czech nation is against the union, mostly the parliament leading party. Why now we want to listen to thoughts which would be worth to think about before? We lost a unique person. People tend to recognize such 'things' not when they have them, but when they loose them.

The day before Christmas

So it is the December 23rd and the weather feels like spring april. What is happening? Where is the winter? The snow covering the ground, the wind blowing the hair up and the freeze biting our bones? The flowers must be confused, bears sweating in their caves instead of calmly sleeping till spring. This just does not feel like the true Christmas outside. Inside, at home, when there is dark outside it is fine, the atmosphere and all the decorations bring the Christmasy mood into my heart, warmhearted wife, Christmas sweets and Christmas potato salad. That is at least part of the winter. The nature is changing within. Threat. This might be a warning.

Christmas shopping..

I hate Christmas shopping, but I also need to go shopping with a backpack on me as we will do 3 kinds of Christmas potato salad. One in a way my wife is used to have it from her family, one as per recipe from my family and one traditional from Wien. So I do have big backpack as it will be a lot of potatoes. This is the kind of Christmas shopping I need to survive and I know I will as long as it os about delicious food. Not necessary to have a lot, rather than that to have a good time preparing it and eat the delicious Christmas supper.

The battle..

Today is a day when we can go and register at one of the prague's hospital for birthgiving. We were looking for some nice hospital but at the end it will anyway depend on the doc who will be there when the baby starts to wish going out. My wife is for podoli a nice mother-care place, I am more for motol a very good hospital in prague. Anyway as she is the one carrying the baby her vote won. So I am going there now at 4am to be there the first one as they take only a 12 ppl maximum day. Nice, isnt it?

Yes, we did it..

Ot eas planned (or rather, we decided?!) to turn our sleeping room floor covered with carpet into a wooden floor with aljaska wood imitation. Surprisingly we did it quite in time. 4 hours of neverending work made it worth. The sleep after nicely done handwork was just like being blessed by God himself. Thanks my wife who was trully a remarkable leader (rather commander, as she loves to give commands) we made this thing happen. There was one point where I trully enjoyed making the floor. That was when my wife feeded me with toasts while I was doing the floor. Nice, isnt it?! Bless you all..

Disgusted..

Been in McDonalds and did not find teenagers eating burgers,no no,did not find adults eating fries and burgers,surprisingly I did see more kids eating happy meals,fries,burgers and swallowing it with cola. C'mon guys, I thought when somebody has a kiddl,they usually are 'normal'. No they are not. No no no. I have a kiddo on the way. Dunno if boy or girl. Honestly I dont care, I wish my kiddo would be healthy but the sex does not matter. I will love my kiddo,have in mind many thoughts for games,trips and all 'do' things. Looking forward. Thanks God for all the 'good' things.

Trully, just a thought is not enough

Did you get in a situation when you have a great thought in your mind, you know that if you would do it on that way it would be close to perfectionism and still you dont do that or you do it otherwise. Why? Os it laziness (again)? Or some kind of 'i can do it even better mechanism? I doubt. It is just because we (i) do not have enough will to take the thought into our hands and realize it. Of course, laziness comes within. What is then laziness? Something what we can put away? Is lazyness boredom? Who is not lazy? Or is laziness lack of energy? Or just simple, 'i dont want to do that right now' thing?

The week is over

Finally the week is over. Quite many tasks in the office which cant be solved only with writing emails..personal issues which face the moment of confrontation, a thing not worth of pleasure, but needed to experience that and tell myself..good boy..good boy. Tired. School awaits, Christmas around the corner. Need meditation.

Effortless..

Good intentions might sometimes turn to bad consequences. Causality? Anyway how we can ensure that our deeds have good intentions? Can such intention have a part of selfishness, a little part which would serve as a good feeling for something we did? Which would be in fact a reward (which is in an extreme sense taken for a 'payment'). According to Imanuel Kant we cant such (rewarded) intention take as good. Not the one where we count on the 'reward', nor the one where the reward comes without us counting with that. Then of course the best would be not to know about such 'reward' which nowadays in our 21.century is quite impossible. Or?

Sweet combination.

Here it goes. Heart, soul and brain (or brain soul and heart?) or (soul heart and brain)..oh stop that..ok what i am trying to say is that we, the humam beings are a sweet combination of those three, it matters what (who) from those is taking the lead, but also they can be in harmony. Aparently not all people stop and see this picture (what picture) but they intuitively act as it is so. Our fate, to combine this mix of logic, inner urge, feelings, wishes, dreams and many many other things. This sweet human coctail is the 'God' within us. (guess so..)

Brain..

What is there in our head. Some kind of thinking meat? A nice tool used to think, to suck the wisdom, to keep the memories and to try to analyze and find roads (logical roads) which might take us to our goal. Question. What is our goal? Does we (brain) set it up, put it in front of us like a carrot for a donkey? Or again we (the soul) put a picture in our minds which brain is trying to follow? Obviously the only logical thinker is..ta daa..brain. Question. Must everything follow the structure of pure logic? We do not (quite a big part of our time) act logically (we are not homo eoconomicus), many times we act angry, we envy, we dare and desire, we eat too much or drink not at all. We have a tool to think things through but we do not use it (majority of us) often. Brain is a magnificent tool in our heads, but aparently we do not juice the possibility of that tool to maximum.

In a need of a meditation..

I have found myself in the middle of a way which cant continue. If cant continue as it is dangerous for my soul and body. I am an exteme thinker, quite hard to find the 'nice, good and most probably the best' road to walk on. I know that most people around me support me to get there and I am thankful to them, however the decision must come within..

Go go man..

School, good thing to have. Besides work, wife and hopefully healthy and great future kid quite hard to catch the exams. I have missed few classes of philosophy already and also I need to better focus on my time schedule, firstly it allows me to manage things, saying having a better image, an overview of what all needs to be done, secondly, following the schedule, logically I shall have time for getting the knowledge into my head.

No more (again)

So the Christmas Wien? Imagine a shoping mall at the time of imaginable discoutns. Multiply it by 3 and take out all the people living in the mall's city for a longer time. That was the Christmas Wien. Full of Slovaks, Hungarians and Czechs. Full of crowds bumpimg into each other, in a way carrying a Rathaus market alcoholic punch (very sweet=sticky) without spilling it out on yourself or you angry czech/slovak/hungarian native speaker is an adventure. Of course not only the Christmas market, but also the shops were full of these Christmas killers. Full stop. Lets remember the nice memories. Great food (Wiener Schnitzel, Esterhasikeller), sweets at Demler, history and all the nice memories told by my wife. Truly an experience worth of do.
Eh. Of course, not all trips are perfect, whoever reads this, if you would be in Wien and lucky you would visit a cafe behind the Rathaus and Parliament, dont forget to be very angry with a 'Keller' who has a milk stain on his black suit. He was/is very mean and can ruin bunch of people nice memories from Christmas Wien

Trip to Vienna

Saturday morning, waking up too early at querter past four and going to bus station to catch the bus to Vienna. Hard to tell whats whirling in my head taking back my past Vienna memories. Nice memories. Looking forward for the day, 13 of us travel in a bus for Christmas Vienna and the most joyous thought right now is that we have reserved place in an old fashioned austrian restaurant where we gonna have the 'schnitzel' and 'erdapfelsalat' (krumplisalata)

Soul..

Where is the soul's place in the whole complex system? (is it a system?) well we have brain, a thinking (most of the time) unit. Then we have heart a pumping (always, since we were in our mother's womb) unit. But soul? What does soul do? We pretty much know (guess) what does brain do, how it works, but thats the process, not the inner process which is the no. 1 psychology topic. Our inner place a point from which we see the world (this point is different in each of us). We may guess how that works doing experiments but we may never come to the core as that seems to be somewhere else. That could be our soul. Our 'us' 'me' 'you' which we take care about. Our intentions (which in all steps are probably always influenced by oir brain. Our dreams where the stream might begin in our soul but it is mixed with our brain's experiences. So how we can start the journey for finding our soul?

Heart..

Who else believes in heart nowadays? All the science is braon based and nobody gives evidence whats going on in our hearts..why? Did I as well resigned on listening to man's blood pump? Is it just a blood pump? Or? Where are the feelings? Going through the stomach. Where is the thinking? In our brain.. Where does the heart play the role in this? We do have feelings, the put us in position from which we see things, situations. We would act impulsively (without thinking) if we would not take time to analyze the 'situation' but then there os again no free space for our observation as the brain can affect our decision only with the knowledge we taught it. That lead us to a point where the only trustworthy source of living are the experiences

being real..

somewhere in there.. there hidden in our soul's core are little drops dropping to our brains when we dream.. mixed with our experiences and many wishes it creates a story, a story which is easily fast forgotten when we wake up. some of us are able to keep the "memory" of the story and share it with others, or remark it somewhere on a piece of paper. I am not one of those.. my dreams are by rule hidden under the sweet blanket of night and are kept there, forgotten.. only a very small background is written into me.. I call it the dreamtale.. something what let you know that you dreamt in that night, but what will probably not show the whole picture of your story. dreams in all are very nice, sometimes very scary things.. some of us see future in them, some of us chew the facts which happened in the day in dreams and then, when the morning come, they may bring a solution to something what "bothered" them. I am very pleased by fate that I have met somebody who used the dreams to live.. a dreamy person I used to call her.. this little spark, that she was able to bring her dreams into a reality was a very nice feature.. it was something what very few of us can do and it is truly a blessing.. I am not a dreamy person, I wished to be, but I am not. Many deeds I am doing are based on pure brain.. of course, I do have feelings, I do have empathy, I like and dislike, but the decisions I make are mostly based on pure facts.. are taking pros and cons and yet as this brings me joy, it brings me exactly what my brain needs.. an order, a nice line of life.. it does not compensate the feeling of having your dreams led your life line somewhere.. I do not think being a puppet of your dreams, but it is very close to the meaning. I admire people who can do that.. I am too scared of being taken by my dream master (soul?) and live.. someone would tell me (and I know who would tell it) that I am a coward and truly in this I am.. hard to tell where I am taking the courage to run my life as I want, to keep the laces of the life horses fast in my hands. It is a two approach phenomenon.. brain or dream? or mixing up those two? I dunno.. Descartes would come with brain only, Kant mixing up both of them.. who would be the one having the dreams only? Nietzsche? Probably Péter Müller.. a Hungarian "philosopher"..

Wild morning

Getting up early morning to catch a language session. Already on the way there thinking about past times, about my personal history. About Budapest city which appears to me now like a dream, like something supported by memories of scents, food tastes, old buildings a marvelois freedom bridge. Of many many experiences which are trully important for me. Missing old times when the moon is up there and shining. I know all could have been different now, but is not. And as the life goes, naturally human beings regret of that what could have been instead of having joy what is now.
When life is passing by, some of these memories just jump on me, showing the dummy one how beautiful everything was.
That does not mean I do not appreciate what I have now.. It is like you meet somebody who lived in the communism era, which you know was a bit of a terror, and he still votes for the communist party now, just because compared to what he has now, it looks better to have the old times. Bad example.. But suits my purposes. Cant always look back. Need to live in the presence

Lazy afternoons

Lately I am becoming more and more lazy. Got home after work and made dinner. Then sat down in front of a laptop and watched some series. Booooring!! I moss the times listening to music and discussing different topics, culture, politics, everything.. Need to turn back and think..a lot

21st century

Became a membed of nowadays community. My sister gave me a phone using android soft,so I have installed my Google blogger. Finally whatever, whenever, wherever thought I will have, can share it online just at that moment

sunny saturday

awesome, I just did not expect that after days with almost no sun in working days when it is dark when you enter the office and again dark when you leave home, that I will experience a beautifully sunny Saturday. the sun just fills the heart with joy and moments of happiness. thinking about past times, about people I dared to call friends living in Budapest and I must tell I miss them a lot. My life took a round which is a wonder, I took steps leading me towards a family, my baby is growing in my wife's belly, she is prettier than ever. She worries about a baby, is she or he will be all right, if she is doing the right think not eating this and that. If there will be enough money for us when she will not work.. question.. how it was in the past? in those times only men were working and voilá 21st century, men and women working, having almost the same rights and yet when a woman wants to spend a time on maternity leave, comes a question for money. stories and fates about a man appeared in my mind. he lives in east Hungary in a small village. the name of the village has something to do with Italians. he is a hardworking man and I truly believe what I was told by her.. by my soulmate.. by somebody I betrayed and yet I take as closest to my heart. Somebody who sees into me and can judge me.. judge me because the verdicts are based on what the person sees as truth, no assumptions. I am looking forward to have a family, I am a happy man, I know we can go through all possible difficulties, I know I will raise my family close to nature, in a house just next to a forest, far from the city. why? I was raised in a town, capital of Slovakia and capital of Czechs. I got a proper education and fair enough of love into my heart from my parents? what is so bad about living in a city? nothing, truly nothing, one of the reasons of my decision is quite simple. Living in a city I always remember trips or just walks into nature, when I went with a group of friends under tents, when we sang by the fire and when we were having our weekend sleeping in a tent, roasting meat in the fire, listening to all nature's sounds and just being.. hmm.. how to say.. FREE that's probably the reason why I want to go out of the city borders. another example could be the following, knowing somebody who grew up in a village far from the capital, who has loving parents and who is closer to nature than I am, who likes to swim in a river and hates pools, who can lighten up a room when a smile comes on the face. I want to give my children the same.. to have close feeling with nature and to see the culture also from the other side of a human river. My wife is a lovely being. I am pretty sure she will be a great mother and will spend heck a lot of time with kids. Not that I would not be jealous about that. She cooks pretty well, though I always think she could cook more. She has a sense for tideness, peace and music.. ou yeah, music. Almost all books in our library are about music.. dont take me wrong, but time to time I am getting crazy about that. Life is a treasure of secrets..

going on..

life seems to always keep some surprises for the last moment. reading blogs of my fellow friends, or those I keep in my heart but I do not want to ruin their lives by showing up.. life is beautiful and it always makes sense only by watching in the past.. then all the clues and hits get a background, reason and many of the deeds done turn out to be mistakes or good steps.. my life is like a rainbow. I do regret some things, some of them which closed some paths for me, I do keep nice memories and build fantasies about those. I do feel happy about some things, steps I made and I am thankful to God for those as well. I am becoming a father..

the moon shines.. wonderfull

My attend to continue learning hungarian language was destroyed by my lack of time. I am still quite not sure if this is a good or bad message. As I feel it know it seems to put me aside of my inner wishes, on the other hand it cuts some other connections and sets a bit more freedom? If this is my reason of thoughts, then I rather do not wish to write here the words of my heart beats. Life is a very complicated thing where it is impossible to see the end of our actions. There are so many variables that witht my current brain setup is just quite impossible. What a pity..

whats the next "goal"?

Lately (past 5 months) I was taking care of preparations.. wedding preparations and it is over now. I have felt like one thing I was working on for such a long (truly only preparations, so don't take me wrong, I do not feel I have done my job as a husband.. that's a long time run) time, and now I feel like I need to set up another goal.. like working on something.. like to create an adventure

what does God think about mistakes?

how should I feel when doing mistakes? and then how should I feel when I did mistakes which can't be taken back? and I have closed one door forever however I my heart tells me I should not have it done? Life is a strange line going up and down left and right, line which comes with small pieces of joy, sadness, worries and thinking. Question is, does the society, our culture help us understand the secret of our life, or does it make it even harder? I am thinking what would happen to a human being if there would not be any culture (meaning habits, language, etc..) it would become an animal.. so, without our culture, our language.. without those things what we have invented/created, we are still animals.. thinking animals..
truly language forms our brain, more languages you know, I believe, more structured your thinking is (take it as something positive).

co nemá manželka nikdy dělat .1

Jako dárek jsem dostal dvě knížky. Vydalo je nakladatelství pragma a napsala je Blanche Ebbutt (Don'ts for Wives, Don'ts for Husbands). Jelikož mě za nedlouho čeká manželský chomout, příjde mi vhodné sem čas od času publikovat postřehy, které náhodně vyberu, nebo prostě uvedu to co se mi líbí, nebo příjde vhod.

ženy: Nepokoušejte se odradit jej od jakéhokoliv koníčku, protože se mu hodně věnuje nebo protože je kolem něho nepořádek. Dovolte mu dělat v jeho domě nepořádek, jaký chce - dejte mu však dost prostoru pro jeho záliby a on je nebude přenášet do obývacích místností. Ve skutečnosti bude rád, že se jeho pokladů nebudou dotýkat znesvěcující ruce.

muži: "Nevypouštějte páru" na svou manželku a děti pokaždé, když se něco pokazí v garáži nebo na zahradě či v kurníku nebo v temné komoře. Zkuste si uvědomit, že s tím nemají nic společného a že je nespravedlivé, aby kvuli tomu trpěli.

every year the same

the same it was a year before, two years before.. well, it is the same all the years before. Had a birthday and expected there will be a cling in my head, something what will tell me, ok, now you are wiser, or you reached a milestone.. something like that.
nothing clinged, nothing showed me I am wiser, but one thing made me conscious. The fact that I am older, which means.. as we are taught since we are babies, that we do not live here forever. We are told that all of us have a line with a beginning and an end. Not like in old cultures where the time was not taken into account in a linear way, first it was a cycle of time, second, according to books, people were not counting how many years (how much time) is left for them, they were "just" living their lives.. how simple.. how freeing, dont you think?

svatba se blíží..

všechny nápady, na kterých jsme se se skoroženou shodli stojí a padají na jednom. Svatba musí být venku, nejlépe na nějakém statku. Hosté přece nebudou zavřeni v nějaké restauraci, kde se jako předkrm bude podávat šunková rolka. Tedy, statek.
Už jste někdy zkoušeli narvat realitu do tak trochu směle vytvořeného nápadu? Zrovna lehké to vskutku není. Sehnat takový statek, někde na pomezí Žďáru nad Sázavou a Novým Městem na Moravé, je zrovna jedna z takových činností.
Někdy si říkám, že nic takového není a jednoduše přicházím s řešením typu, postavíme velký stan na louce a ať si každý dělá co chce, nebo, že svatbu prostě zrušíme, nebo proč že vlastně máme krmit stádo vyhládlých hostů?
Ten nápad není vůbec špatný. Bude-li hezké počasí, mít svatbu pod otevřeným nebem, kde se děti můžou těšit z bzučícího hmyzu a dospělí budou zakusovat opekající se prasátko a zapíjet jej vychlazeným pivem, labužníci dobrým vínem. Do toho hosté přivezou to co napekli, či navařili oni sami a podělí se tak s ostatními o jejich netradiční (mnohdy i tradiční) recepty.
Navíc, místo, kde se hostina koná je hony vzdálené od města a když už je tedy svatba v sobotu, proč nepřespat a neudělat si v neděli výlet do nedalekých lesů, či prostě a jednoduše, zabalit rockpillars a vylézt nějakou tu menší skalku (bez těch kytek)

ne, zatím se nic takového nekoná.. čeká se, vyčkává se, detektivní práce pokračuje, místo, kde by se konala hostina a které by zároveň nebylo vzdálené celodenní jízdou od kostelíka v Obyčtově, se zdá pro zatím být jakousi fata morganou

can't think globally..

time to time, it seems to me, that to take into account all circumstances, leads to a very difficult answer. If there is a problem, the best think I guess will be to split the problem into more parts, solve each part separately and then come to an conclusion which would make sense for the whole problem.
thus if I think about world, I can't think about Africa, South America, China, but probably I should take into account Europe only. Of course, all the countries are so linked together today, writing a map of all connections takes ages, so even if I would take Europe only, I will also take into account part of these connections.
Some might not like me, but I find some actions of the world (Europe) pathetic and hypocritical. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in altruism, and I would say, I am a philanthrope. But (yeah.. a BUT) how we (Europe) can advice (please, do not mistake with giving help) others, if our conditions are not breathtaking. Also in the "real world" you would not take advice how to earn money from somebody whose account is always in debt.
So, from a common sense, we should firstly clean the mess in front of our doors and then to move to a house next..

political culture in Prague? same case, corruption, pollution of dirty ideas and headlong actions. does anybody think there? I can't believe my eyes when reading a study from a acknowledged think thank about path how to restructure the current situation in Czech Republic, about the possibilities waiting to be used. No, our politicians loftily take the studies and arrogantly throw them through a window..

Friday evening..finally

the whole week, I was not able to stop by in our kitchen and cook something for myself. Not that I would not have time, I just did not go to kitchen, somehow strange. Ate all possible kinds of food, pizza, business lunch, lunch paid by company, lunch from my colleagues, lunch such as chocolate cakes and choco-capuccino.
Finally Friday, bought some French fries, egg-plant and made some quite delwicious dinner. Drank some proseco and my almost-wife is doing (right now) our library cleaning. Why? After many months (since February) we have a library installed in the flat. It looks incredible, instead of kicking, falling, slipping on books just next to your bed (so when you wake up, you step into book piles), now books are nicely fitted in the library.
A Music Geek. She truly is a music geek. 99.9% of the books in the library are books about music, operas, different styles, Mozart, baroque music and so on. Missing my Dostojevskij, Umberto Eco, Davies, Robert Kagan, Jacque Le Goff and other books which are in my sister's cellar (could not have them fit in our little flat)
One week after vacation. I have survived, I thought it would be a mess in the office, that once I will come there, I will get a heart attack, but suprisingly, it was very smooth and nice start into the time "after vacation"
Greece will meet the bankruptcy, but in a regulated way. The EU finally leaked some more specified steps, how they will save Greece. Two funny things crossed my mind. If they would let Greece for breakdown, the recovery period would be probably 7 years. As they will "save" Greece in the way they plan (banks will pay part of Greece's debts), the recovery is probably to be prolonged to 21 years. Nice way how to "raise" EU being "competitive" (China and India, might be the right time to show teeth and roll over old "wise" continental lady Europa

does life make sense? who knows, we live, eat, smell, see, hear.. some of us even think.. for what? eat more? see more? destroy more? somewhere you can read, that all of us have a purpose, a reason why they are here.. (number of living people is raising dangerously up) some of us think, that they know the reason and they behave so, to fulfill it (call it destiny?)
my wedding will be in autumn this year, a baby might come later on, a house with a tree in the garden, a swing hanging from the limb, kitchen with a big window where sun will shine when my wife will cook, Sunday dinners when all family members must sit at the table 6 o'clock latest and my wife will serve the food. Secret games, letters and hidden treasures thought up in the nights with my wife and then act as pirates for our kids, who will need to find the treasure. Reading books for my own studies, but also for good night of my kids. Herbaceous tee drank by the fire and played games such as Citadela, Dominion, Bang! and others. Saturday morning spent in the house's workshop working with wood. Good lunch in the garden, summer's trips to mountains or lakes. Kisses. Books. Good heart. Friends. And time to time regrets as surely, some mistakes in my life leave scars which can't be undone.

news over past weeks

I took a break and went to Ukraine, spent there camping on the mountains and going through the forest jungle over a week. It was a marvelous experience, moreover when we wanted to climb the highest mountain (which is not that hight at all) but we could not as the weather conditions forced us to take a step back and from the top of the most eastern part of former Czechoslovakia down to a nearest village where we dried up all our clothes which soaked in all the water from the whole Ukraine. Not important, but very nice.. we have survived
Came back to Prague and bought a weekly magazine, not being in a civilization over a week can make wonders. Have read about European crisis, upcoming NATO breakdown, Greece crushdown which would be probably followed by Spain, Portugal and with a question mark on Italy and Ireland.
I cannot understand our politicians, whose, currently are in the middle of obvious corruption scandals, newspapers front pages are full of big letters coming with investigations and other "proofs" which could lead to head-cutting of few (could say a bit more than few) politicians.
Their programs with high moral standards how they will clean the politics from corruption are followed with actions as "cleaning corruption with more corruption". Dunno if this will work, I believe the people will soon come with fast solution. If everybody will close the eyes in front of such scandals, the politicians will feel no guilt and such behaviour will continue.
People need to raise their voices, vox populi, which will show that the current practice are not the ones to be followed.
One more thing at the end, in one month a wedding of mine will be here, still not found a place where we will have the food ceremony, still crossing fingers we will find something suitable for our dreams. Love is a wonder and have many shapes, thanks to my friends and soulmates, I still wonder about life.. finding answers which brings more questions

finally rain came to soak in..

after some days full of hot sunny weather a rain came to soak into the dry soil. we had a family day in our company yesterday a that was the time when it was raining. tennis was not possible to play, so many people went inside and grabbed something to eat. it was nice to see people you usually meet in the office, now accompanied with kids, husbands, wifes and many other living i animals.
I really enjoyed the evening and had a very nice time.

wednesday's day

thought day, in the work, we have been migrated to a new computing system, welcome to Windows 7, I was told, better and faster than our previous Windows. Well, it looks fancy, it is faster, and of course, it takes more space on our hard disks..
bought tickets for myself and my friends for our trip to Ukraine. We will be there for two weeks and just now we got to the point of buying the tickets.
also the wedding is getting closer and the list of things is yes getting longer and yes, many of them are not checked yet for the magical 'done' word
we still did not find the old mull where the fest will take place, we still hope we will find some, or at least some farm, so we could have the guests outside, under the sun, drinking wine, beer and having the roasted pig on their plates.. of course, bowls full of vegetables, fruits, cheeses and other eatable delicates will be free of their choice.
thought day.. came home, found out that I was accepted for the university again, and also my body reminded me that I am more hungry than a wolf

Monday morning at Novotel hotel at Brussels airport

Monday morning, ready to go to the office, just waiting for Pavla so we would have a breakfast. Thinking about home, about people in Prague, about trips and about marriage, it is coming so fast, days are just passing by and we still do not have confirmed a church, this upcoming weekend we go for a trip in the middle of Czech Republic and we hope we will find a church and a priest who will take us under the wings and let us marry in their church, then we also need to find a place for the celebration, no restaurant, a place in the nature, a field or at least some nice place with a wooden house, we will see.. anyway, it is really coming closer, so I hope, I will not miss anything and everybody will enjoy the precious moment of my life.

it is getting closer..

after such a long time I am writing again here some of my thoughts..my soul mate did not talk to me since ever, I did not try to contact..seems we separated, just sometimes thoughts and memories brings her to me and I do enjoy it. I bit sad, a bit melancholic a bit confused I am talking with her. my life changed a bit and I need to take it as it is, can't rewind the time back. there there in the autumn slow air filled with colored leaves comes a wedding, and I am becoming a little bit scared, my choice, my proposal, my idea, my will and still I am not sure inside whether I am doing right or wrong. It seems like I am just standing and my hands are doing something, I am just starring and my mouth is talking something, I do not control my behaviour anymore in this.
she is like somebody I love but still getting used to. still exploring her light and dark sides. still trying to find path. are days when I am just asking myself what I am doing, how come I gave up what everything I had, what I loved, what I truly loved and got another chance, getting used to the new love, getting used to the scent, color and moods it is giving me. sometimes doubtful, sometimes sure like there is not other way for me.
of course I miss my soul mate, my first and last love I had. she was my first and first loves will never be erased from any heart. but instead of taking the path of my heart, I took the part of my dreams. sometimes the two, heart and dreams do cross each other and in those moments everything radiates with good energy, vibe, mood. but sometimes I miss my heart beating in my dreamy world and my dreamy world lacks reality in my beating.

thoughs on Friday morning..

again I have a feeling that the lifetime is going sooo fast. It is spring already and yet till the next Christmas much of our time, but it will come soon, maybe even too soon.
I guess she really likes me, but man's mind is strange, discussing, guessing, advising, why I am thinking about such thing if she is doing me breakfast because she is such a good person, or because she loves me? what if she is doing breakfast to everybody and I am just another everybody? probably people want to be special for the other one, they want to be loved. (really?!) I know all the wisdom says that the true love is when you give love, not when you receive one, and still it is such a nice feeling to be loved (not talking about the feeling being in love). Therefore I do believe man should feel inside that he/she is loved. but what if he/she does not feel that? although it is obvious that he/she are with us because they love us. am I not opened enough to feel loved? or is it because my soul tells me my true love (was) is somewhere else? I am not sure, but of course, these are doubts nobody else but me can solve, no matter how, if time will show the truth or if God explains it to me in other way.
first day in week after so many mornings with sun, came with darkish sky, no rain, but also no through-window-shining sun. she is not next to me this time, traveling in the country for business, thus I needed to wake up without any kiss, but no matter how did I wake up I feel I love her. or am I just telling it to myself, because she is such a good person? and should I have doubts? doubts, they were also part of my other love, my soulmate, at the beginning we, or just she, or both?, had them, but later on, we told ourself, doubts are like stones on a dusty road in forest, you walk on the road and you need to overcome obstacles. my question rather is, why do we think about doubts, why do we have them? why do not we see clearly? who is bringing such thoughts to our minds? us? friends? family? society? all together? fighting and fighting against these doubts might become a big part of our life, instead of fighting doubts, we should learn how to see more clearly, or how to be solid in our grounds, so no doubts as a wind would blow away what we already have.
my soulmate closed channel between us, she told me it is better for me, but I think it is better for both of us. of course I miss the communication, moreover I miss her as a person, but probably she knows better than I and she did the right thing.
today I am leaving for a trip to nature, no capital, smaller towns, villages, forest and curvy roads, looking forward walking there and have a small break

covers..

she was very much in love with him, they dated for years, lived together most of the days, had similar hobbies and found each other in love most of the time. at the end, he decided to try other women as well.
he was very much in love with her, they dated for 3 years, did not live together as they were from different countries, though the managed to fell in love with each other and kept their relationship for such a long time. at the end, he decided to live with another woman.
now she and he are together and he is asking, is that all right? of course, she must have been in so much love and the question is, isn't he only a substitute for the love she used to have towards him? he was much in love and decided to love with other one. now he is trying to find such love again, in the other one. but love has different shapes and the question is, as he broke heart of his first love, isnt his love nowadays only a substitute for his first love?

sun is shining..

what a beautiful day today. The sun is shining, no clouds on sky, no man would dare to say it is still January. The weather sounds, feels, whistles and tells it is spring already, but we should not trust that. It is still winter, just after such a long time when the ground was covered by snow, frozen snow and watery snow we can see the green grass approaching the surface. No snow is left, though they say it will snow in the following weeks. It is such a nice weather which forces you to smile, to have peace and to do something creative.
I am going to boulder today, need to create a stability and power my arms, forearms and hands. Looking forward to spend part of the day climbing, moreover when the weather is such a miracle today.

promises..

thank you my dear friend. As we discussed not so long time ago, you advised me to go to church again. We used to go there together, but we did not go lately. As we talked about that, I have filled my promise and I went to church for today's mass. I did not like the comment the priest gave to Bible's paragraph, it was much profound and lack of point, but at the end, I believe he explained what he wanted. The main point was to give an eye to God's symbols, that in everyday living we can see many miracles, maybe not every day, maybe not every week, but when time comes and we listen good enough, we can see God's comment which could lead us, change path or give us a reason.

point of view..

this is what I like and at the same time don't like about human beings. Each of us have his/her own point of view. Marvelous beings we are. Let's imagine a situation. On this situation, two people have two different perceptions. Nice thing to know. I was thinking about that last time when I was going home from a nice evening spent with my girl and I was thinking whether she loves me or not. Silly thing. I would say, man should never think about that, using your brain makes things much complicated, than using your heart. You can't expect any logic in love, nor feelings calculations, nor manipulation, though all said above are possible, they are pretty much fake.
But, listening to your heart will not make things easier either, we know, that love should not be held because we would expect to be loved in return. If we love somebody, we just love, although we might not get anything in return. Obviously, a question raised previously in my posts, why we should love somebody, completely unselfishly, and not being loved in return? Which fool would do that? Everybody loves to be loved. It is such a nice feeling and I bet everybody wants to be loved. It does not make a good feeling to your ego only, but all your body cells are cheering to be loved more and more.

bringing a child into this world..

today again I faced a question why somebody should bring a child to this, corrupted, selfish and disgusted world?!..if my friend will read this post, she will understand, she was the one who made me think about it more and more and as we discussed already, I believe me might have come closer to the truth (which is of course relative).. my opinion is based on fact that the world as we know it, is created by people. Let's say, nowadays even nature is touched by man's hand and since ever we tried to master the nature. Thus I will exclude nature in my theory. The only one thing which I will discuss is society. Which, as we know, is mastered by few and spread into many. That's not an excuse, if such society is accepted by many, it becomes active in our life, no matter how much we try to fight against it.
So, we can't blame others for having such a degraded morals and faithless society, the only one who is to blame here are the faces when we look in mirrors.. Thus my theory stands on fact that people create society. If people create society, then there is a reason to have a child and since the beginning to raise the child giving him moral standards, leading with good examples and discussing with him or her the world around us. Only then we can assure, our descendants are well prepared for this world, moreover are able, together with us, to change our society into a better one.

corner stones..

people tend to think history is a solid point of their life. people tend to think beauty is a solid point of their life. a boyfriend or a girlfriend is a solid point of their life. a child. and yet, the most solid point is inner, some would call it a soul, some a light. There everything starts and everything ends. I would say, people should not build their Babylon towers on something what might be ruined so easily by time, by accident, by circumstances. To reach enlightenment an inner peace needs to be found. Every building will collapse sooner or later if the grounds are not solid enough. Brick by brick, we should not start with the roof, but the grounds. And we are the grounds. Make your ground solid and your life will not fall like a house made from cards. Make your ground solid and when a storm comes, you will not be blown away. The question is how to make the grounds solid?! Have faith, trust yourself, listen to your hearts and take the days coming to your life as they are. Invite them and use the time given to grow up.

does love need evidence?..

lately I am talking here in questions only.. of course I am not feeling myself and it seems I am standing at one place stepping from side to side. I am asking myself if love needs any evidence. Do we need to get gifts to clarify the love? Do we need to tell the other one that we love her/him to prove our feelings? Do we need to get a message on our phone at the same time we just sent a message to her/him? Do we really need evidence? Evidence of what? That we love or that we are loved? How much do we need to have opened eyes to see/feel that we are loved? How much do we need to fill our deeds with love and passion to demonstrate a love to somebody?..

the way it is..

who knows what shapes love have? many? one? colors? flavors? depths? does it matter what our brain tells us? should we listen only to our heart? what about our stomach? feelings are strange things. Different people feel different feelings in the same situation. it depends on their own past experiences, how they were raised, which expectations they have etc. I don't think scientists are able to broaden our knowledge studying feelings. for some of us, feelings will stay always a mystery.
here she is, beautiful, smiling and smart. kind, goodhearted and fine tuned, but what about me? ended with difficulties one strong relationship in which I have believed beyond any border and yet, here I am, awkward, always with a question mark in my mind, pulled stomach and just not relaxed. something is not good here. either I can't free myself from my past (which built my experience broadly) or it is simple as it is and it just can't work out.
I don't know the answer for that, I guess nobody knows and still, as said by many and heard occasionally, time will sort everything out. but what time? time flows in between our fingers and it is very cruel. what time? what I am waiting for? why did I destroy love which filled my heart? for what reason did I do that? of course, my ego stays in the center of everything, as the world goes around and I force my desires to my priority list. but what are desires for? once they are filled, they pass away until they will become empty again they will not scream to my ears to be filled again. but love, love fills your heart and if you keep the passion (for life, for dreams, for her/him, for moments) strangely enough you will be given a feelings with overcome everything. (of course love has different shapes as I can't compare European love with African love with South American love with Asia love)
At the end, you can't tell your heart to love somebody, if it does not come, it simple does not come. you can wait for ages, you might get used to him/her, but if the love is missing it is still 'only' a powerful comfort(like).
at the end, why do I feel that I might love her, but do not feel loved back? Isn't there a saying that love is when you love something and do not expect anything in reward? but who would not like to be loved? to be admired? to be taken in the whirls and vortex where life gets wide broad of colors and spices. I have been there once and my brain (at least I think so) took me back to reality.

new year's eve..

again, same as last year, I am wondering (personally for last 3 years) what make people keen on celebrating the new year's eve. Taking into account the year end is celebrated based on Gregorian calendar system, which basically does not have included celebrations like equinox or solstice which are coming from the natural bases, or moon phases. Like this, the only power I can feel are the people in accounting trying to stress me about pending items on their accounts which need to be cleared before the year end, so their year end accounting information would be without any black stain. The second power man can feel is people rushing in shops to buy everything for the celebration (what kind of celebration? what do we celebrate here?), enough alcohol and booze so everybody could easily erase their memories for the past year and come clear (with a headache) to new year.
No, this is not a true celebration like birthday, when we are celebrating the day of our birth. This is not like equinox when we can celebrate the universe's wonders, nor solstice which brings us closer to nature. I apologize if I will offend somebody, but new year's eve does not bring to my soul, heart, mind enough (justified) reasons to celebrate (I might be stupid, but still I can't see what we celebrate here).
As any other day in the year, in month, in week, I go to bed at normal sleeping hour and wake up early in the morning with the sun shine, to enjoy the next day. Does not matter that the rush around me changed the numbers in the year date. OK, since now I will not write 2010 but 2011 (though I might have problems with that at the beginning till I will get used my hands writing 2011).
Counting the number of people reading this post (you can count your fingers on your own hands and you will reach higher number than that) I am aware that my boycott against year's end celebration is absolutely useless here, but apart that, nowadays rituals (not all of them) do not fill me with joy and excitement, but rather filth and abhorrence. I know that in each century, people tend to think that the centuries before were at higher cultural point and that the culture 'now' is degraded. Reading Ortega y Gasset's books and some German thinkers lead you to a point where a man decides whether this is truly a century of loath and misery. Obviously, it is not, our time brings us many ideas and freedom we could not imagine having in the past times, the only question which stays opened is how we will proceed with this freedom, how we will behave so at the end of the day we can look in the mirror and not feel ashamed?