covers..

she was very much in love with him, they dated for years, lived together most of the days, had similar hobbies and found each other in love most of the time. at the end, he decided to try other women as well.
he was very much in love with her, they dated for 3 years, did not live together as they were from different countries, though the managed to fell in love with each other and kept their relationship for such a long time. at the end, he decided to live with another woman.
now she and he are together and he is asking, is that all right? of course, she must have been in so much love and the question is, isn't he only a substitute for the love she used to have towards him? he was much in love and decided to love with other one. now he is trying to find such love again, in the other one. but love has different shapes and the question is, as he broke heart of his first love, isnt his love nowadays only a substitute for his first love?

sun is shining..

what a beautiful day today. The sun is shining, no clouds on sky, no man would dare to say it is still January. The weather sounds, feels, whistles and tells it is spring already, but we should not trust that. It is still winter, just after such a long time when the ground was covered by snow, frozen snow and watery snow we can see the green grass approaching the surface. No snow is left, though they say it will snow in the following weeks. It is such a nice weather which forces you to smile, to have peace and to do something creative.
I am going to boulder today, need to create a stability and power my arms, forearms and hands. Looking forward to spend part of the day climbing, moreover when the weather is such a miracle today.

promises..

thank you my dear friend. As we discussed not so long time ago, you advised me to go to church again. We used to go there together, but we did not go lately. As we talked about that, I have filled my promise and I went to church for today's mass. I did not like the comment the priest gave to Bible's paragraph, it was much profound and lack of point, but at the end, I believe he explained what he wanted. The main point was to give an eye to God's symbols, that in everyday living we can see many miracles, maybe not every day, maybe not every week, but when time comes and we listen good enough, we can see God's comment which could lead us, change path or give us a reason.

point of view..

this is what I like and at the same time don't like about human beings. Each of us have his/her own point of view. Marvelous beings we are. Let's imagine a situation. On this situation, two people have two different perceptions. Nice thing to know. I was thinking about that last time when I was going home from a nice evening spent with my girl and I was thinking whether she loves me or not. Silly thing. I would say, man should never think about that, using your brain makes things much complicated, than using your heart. You can't expect any logic in love, nor feelings calculations, nor manipulation, though all said above are possible, they are pretty much fake.
But, listening to your heart will not make things easier either, we know, that love should not be held because we would expect to be loved in return. If we love somebody, we just love, although we might not get anything in return. Obviously, a question raised previously in my posts, why we should love somebody, completely unselfishly, and not being loved in return? Which fool would do that? Everybody loves to be loved. It is such a nice feeling and I bet everybody wants to be loved. It does not make a good feeling to your ego only, but all your body cells are cheering to be loved more and more.

bringing a child into this world..

today again I faced a question why somebody should bring a child to this, corrupted, selfish and disgusted world?!..if my friend will read this post, she will understand, she was the one who made me think about it more and more and as we discussed already, I believe me might have come closer to the truth (which is of course relative).. my opinion is based on fact that the world as we know it, is created by people. Let's say, nowadays even nature is touched by man's hand and since ever we tried to master the nature. Thus I will exclude nature in my theory. The only one thing which I will discuss is society. Which, as we know, is mastered by few and spread into many. That's not an excuse, if such society is accepted by many, it becomes active in our life, no matter how much we try to fight against it.
So, we can't blame others for having such a degraded morals and faithless society, the only one who is to blame here are the faces when we look in mirrors.. Thus my theory stands on fact that people create society. If people create society, then there is a reason to have a child and since the beginning to raise the child giving him moral standards, leading with good examples and discussing with him or her the world around us. Only then we can assure, our descendants are well prepared for this world, moreover are able, together with us, to change our society into a better one.

corner stones..

people tend to think history is a solid point of their life. people tend to think beauty is a solid point of their life. a boyfriend or a girlfriend is a solid point of their life. a child. and yet, the most solid point is inner, some would call it a soul, some a light. There everything starts and everything ends. I would say, people should not build their Babylon towers on something what might be ruined so easily by time, by accident, by circumstances. To reach enlightenment an inner peace needs to be found. Every building will collapse sooner or later if the grounds are not solid enough. Brick by brick, we should not start with the roof, but the grounds. And we are the grounds. Make your ground solid and your life will not fall like a house made from cards. Make your ground solid and when a storm comes, you will not be blown away. The question is how to make the grounds solid?! Have faith, trust yourself, listen to your hearts and take the days coming to your life as they are. Invite them and use the time given to grow up.

does love need evidence?..

lately I am talking here in questions only.. of course I am not feeling myself and it seems I am standing at one place stepping from side to side. I am asking myself if love needs any evidence. Do we need to get gifts to clarify the love? Do we need to tell the other one that we love her/him to prove our feelings? Do we need to get a message on our phone at the same time we just sent a message to her/him? Do we really need evidence? Evidence of what? That we love or that we are loved? How much do we need to have opened eyes to see/feel that we are loved? How much do we need to fill our deeds with love and passion to demonstrate a love to somebody?..

the way it is..

who knows what shapes love have? many? one? colors? flavors? depths? does it matter what our brain tells us? should we listen only to our heart? what about our stomach? feelings are strange things. Different people feel different feelings in the same situation. it depends on their own past experiences, how they were raised, which expectations they have etc. I don't think scientists are able to broaden our knowledge studying feelings. for some of us, feelings will stay always a mystery.
here she is, beautiful, smiling and smart. kind, goodhearted and fine tuned, but what about me? ended with difficulties one strong relationship in which I have believed beyond any border and yet, here I am, awkward, always with a question mark in my mind, pulled stomach and just not relaxed. something is not good here. either I can't free myself from my past (which built my experience broadly) or it is simple as it is and it just can't work out.
I don't know the answer for that, I guess nobody knows and still, as said by many and heard occasionally, time will sort everything out. but what time? time flows in between our fingers and it is very cruel. what time? what I am waiting for? why did I destroy love which filled my heart? for what reason did I do that? of course, my ego stays in the center of everything, as the world goes around and I force my desires to my priority list. but what are desires for? once they are filled, they pass away until they will become empty again they will not scream to my ears to be filled again. but love, love fills your heart and if you keep the passion (for life, for dreams, for her/him, for moments) strangely enough you will be given a feelings with overcome everything. (of course love has different shapes as I can't compare European love with African love with South American love with Asia love)
At the end, you can't tell your heart to love somebody, if it does not come, it simple does not come. you can wait for ages, you might get used to him/her, but if the love is missing it is still 'only' a powerful comfort(like).
at the end, why do I feel that I might love her, but do not feel loved back? Isn't there a saying that love is when you love something and do not expect anything in reward? but who would not like to be loved? to be admired? to be taken in the whirls and vortex where life gets wide broad of colors and spices. I have been there once and my brain (at least I think so) took me back to reality.

new year's eve..

again, same as last year, I am wondering (personally for last 3 years) what make people keen on celebrating the new year's eve. Taking into account the year end is celebrated based on Gregorian calendar system, which basically does not have included celebrations like equinox or solstice which are coming from the natural bases, or moon phases. Like this, the only power I can feel are the people in accounting trying to stress me about pending items on their accounts which need to be cleared before the year end, so their year end accounting information would be without any black stain. The second power man can feel is people rushing in shops to buy everything for the celebration (what kind of celebration? what do we celebrate here?), enough alcohol and booze so everybody could easily erase their memories for the past year and come clear (with a headache) to new year.
No, this is not a true celebration like birthday, when we are celebrating the day of our birth. This is not like equinox when we can celebrate the universe's wonders, nor solstice which brings us closer to nature. I apologize if I will offend somebody, but new year's eve does not bring to my soul, heart, mind enough (justified) reasons to celebrate (I might be stupid, but still I can't see what we celebrate here).
As any other day in the year, in month, in week, I go to bed at normal sleeping hour and wake up early in the morning with the sun shine, to enjoy the next day. Does not matter that the rush around me changed the numbers in the year date. OK, since now I will not write 2010 but 2011 (though I might have problems with that at the beginning till I will get used my hands writing 2011).
Counting the number of people reading this post (you can count your fingers on your own hands and you will reach higher number than that) I am aware that my boycott against year's end celebration is absolutely useless here, but apart that, nowadays rituals (not all of them) do not fill me with joy and excitement, but rather filth and abhorrence. I know that in each century, people tend to think that the centuries before were at higher cultural point and that the culture 'now' is degraded. Reading Ortega y Gasset's books and some German thinkers lead you to a point where a man decides whether this is truly a century of loath and misery. Obviously, it is not, our time brings us many ideas and freedom we could not imagine having in the past times, the only question which stays opened is how we will proceed with this freedom, how we will behave so at the end of the day we can look in the mirror and not feel ashamed?