what i've believed in..in what i believe in

it happened that i have believed in kant's quote "So act that your principle of action might safely be made a law for the whole world.”

i believed, that people do have some inner criticism in themselfs, i believed that they can see and they can be humble, not because someone taught them, or told them, but because they want it..

it seems, that while growing and becoming someone (still dunno whom) i am experiencing different perceptions, from different fields.. if i should summary them it would be like this

- no matter who you are, there're still some rules, even if its needed to breake them time to time
- life is one big playground, it is easy to get lost
- no matter what you will achieve, it will be never enough
- you can think whatever, but just the time will give you the answer
- brain is a great think, but if you should listen, listen to your heart
- life is not just one side of the coin, but both, still turning around
- in love, give the best from yourself, no matter how foolish it will be, put yourself into it

and some more cheerful ones..

- if you are in love, do not forget, that it is not the end, just this can bring you the knowledge, self understanding, here you can grow

- if you think that to be in love is the easiest way how to live, you are mistaken, it is the most difficult path, but the most beautiful and most worth one

- you can be angry at the world, you can hate, but always try to firstly see yourself, there is the source of everything, if you want to change something, start there, in you

and something what is my heart telling me..

- i believed in a woman.. and i still believe in her! my faith is my heart..

hero..

there is a loong way from guardian, to become a hero.. loong way and many deeds awaiting to be fulfilled.. many ugly creatures and evil dragons.. path covered by lies.. competitors.. holes with venomous snakes and ugly witches transformed into beautiful princesses..

this is the path i see in front of me.. i am taking the deep breath and i am doing my first step..

same as in fairy tales, also here, the results might be different, but mostly three..

first one is a hero who will die and will end up in hell.. somebody who will turn into a evil creature when facing all the deeds..
second one is a hero who will become a true hero, who will be admired, whom deeds will be celebrated and who will, when the time will come become a king, ruling a world with his queen by his side..
the third one is a hero who will give it up, will realize that to be hero is not for him, will go back to his house and will be a great guardian..

and same as in fairy tales, also here, the result "should be" the golden, middle way.. the second one

guardian..

for half an year i am writing something what i think is the truth.. in my heart i feel that this truth is close to my soul.. what's crazy? i was telling a fairy tale about one way and i myself was walking on a different path..

trying to think about it.. i fell in love, but i forgot the rules.. i fell in love and i thought that i am the winner.. i fell in love and i got lazy like hell.. i fell in love and instead of growing i was fading.. i fell in love and the only one i was giving was a bunch of sweet words..

you can have word.. and even if it is meant to be truth.. it needs to have some value.. the color just is not enough.. you need to breathe it soul.. you need to let the word become a deed..

i think that i became a guardian.. and it is not bad.. i am a good guardian.. like a good friend..
i heard words of my friends, i heard words from christin, my lovely sister.. i heard them but i did not listened.. all what they advised me, to be someone, to be selfish, to become a man.. they were stopped somewhere inside me..

few words..

if you will get too close to sun, you will get burned.. if you will get too close to moon, you will freeze.. first sweet piece of chocolate are the most sweetest ones and you will just fall in love with them.. third one is ok, but the other ones are too much sweet, the last one in a short time could be even distasteful.

if you would like to smile, you should know the sad things too.. if you would smile all the time, you would loose the reason why you smile..

life needs to be spiced up.. in harmony.. too much from one spice is not good..

senses..

i would like to start something about senses.. as far as we know.. the senses together with our brain are giving us some image, let say "image" of the world we are living in.. since the old human kind times the philosophers tried to examine those senses.. one of the things was idea, the pure pre-thought..

now i would like to stop.. and turn the page to few words.. "one sees clearly only with the heart. anything essential is invisible to the eyes" (antoine de saint-exupéry).. as you may know, many of our senses can be mistaken, just.. we are not perfect.. is the world, we can see, really everything what the world is giving us?
back to the worlds.. one sees clearly only with the heart. anything essential is invisible to the eyes.. thats what is telling us the author of the little prince book.. try to "think" with your heart about the worlds.. it is not something what is your brain telling you.. some conclusion, because may happen that many of the conclusions will be crazy.. may happen that they will not make any sense..

no matter how crazy they are, how non-sense they are.. reach the depth.. reach the depth and deep breathly.. forgot everything what the world taught you, and listen to your heart.. old truth, dreams, faith, wisdom.. everything is hidden in our hearts..

open your hearts.. let them shine.. the night star sky is so beautiful..

happiness only when shared..

my happiness is my beautiful woman.. i am just so proud of her and she brings me so much happiness.. among with some sad moments, which are part of everything.. because she is just everything.. there is not sun without moon, no dark without light.. no good without bad.. she is the rainbow, the rain, the sun, the colors.. she is the little fairy, the wise goddess, the beautiful one.. the exciting one.. she is someone whom i treasure in my heart, whom i give the compliment of letting her touch my heart!

i am her guardian, no matter what will happen, i am the one who protects her.. i fight for this place, i fight for being the one who i am, i am the stone where she can lay down, like little green lizards do and enjoy the sun, i am the forest where she can fly like a little fairy and make the world beautiful, i am the man who gives her different feelings..

one would say that i love her.. i am saying.. i live my dream!

mi otra parte..

this post.. i am writing it a bit unsure.. why? because it will clarify some things.. it will show me who am i and give me some answers.. and i am eager for answers..

last week, my beautiful woman was at home, with her parents.. same time, i was in my flat.. both we were thinking about the same topic, about love, and both we came to a similar conclusion, to similar questions, to similar thougths..

this weekend.. we wrote each other few messages.. happened that we were writing one of them at the same time.. this i take as a coincidence.. but then.. and now i am not sure if yes or not.. because i still did not talk with her.. i was thinking about my role here in the world.. i was thinking about my personal legend, about my dreams, whom i would like to become.. what is my heart telling me.. and i am suspicious, that she was thinking about the same.. if not, she will tell me, if yes, i will know it too..

written above doesnt have anything in common with the topic..

the topic is just simple expression of what i feel to her.. i feel understanding.. i feel that i can see what she has on her mind, in her soul.. i think that i can feel what does she mean.. not all the time.. but i try to.. i feel that she see who i am.. that she understands me.. like best friends.. i feel that i can be myself with her! and thats what is important for me.. not to pretend, but live.. live my life, live the life for me.. for her.. for us

to be proud..

i need to share with the world how proud i am of my beautiful woman.. of the little girl, of the marvelous fairy, of her and just her..
she is just full of secrets, hidden spells, beautiful places and personally i think, that she is like flower (no wonder, that such comparison exists) she needs to be taken care of to let her bloom, to let her grow (the little prince, antoine de saint-exupéry).. she has such a beautiful soul, hidden in a gorgeous body.. she can do wonders, i know it.. i know it, because i experienced few of them.. she is the warrior of light (paulo coelho) and i know, that she has the will, she has the thirst.. i know, that she can change the world..

i start to believe that my personal legend is to become a guardian, like the little prince knows, that the flower is precious, just because she is the one, i know that my little flower is precious too and i treasure her.

more and more.. i think that i was born to understand a bit, to change a bit some rules.. i feel that i am becoming someone

tonight..

wanted to start a nice post, about differences between men and women, wanted to show how we need each other, wanted to clarify what is my perception and the only one i did was that i wrote the title of the post.. then i wanted to start writing about the differences, but i did not do it.. i was blocked, instead of thinking about the differences, i found myself thinking about all the things i love on my marvelous woman.

i have saved the post about differences and started to write a post about things i love on my beloved one.. i got stucked in the middle of the post.. i found myself thinking about the fact, that this will even more re-assure her about my love towards her, instead of letting her being unsure..

strange thing, i do not want to let her be unsure.. since the man was born, we let, in all the centuries woman know, that if we love, we give everything.. if we get burned, might happen, that a bad man will become from us.. they know that they have our heart in their beautiful hands.. they desire it, they desire devotion, they desire the thirst we have for them.. it was always like that..
strange thing, we need to let the feel unsure.. since the woman was born, they know, that without us, they wouldnt have the feeling just we can give them.. if they get burned, might happen, that a cruel woman will become from them.. they know that only we can provide them what they need..

in all the centuries, we play a game.. no one will win.. but this game keeps us together.. the rules are still the same, they did not change.. and they never will

laziness..

it is easy to be lazy.. nothing to do, just let the life pass by.. it is easy to be scared.. and most of the time this happen to me.. to be scared and instead of fight with it.. to run away.. then.. might happen, that the life could be described as "unactiveness"..

that's what we cannot allow, that's what we cannot let happen.. not because the human could easy find himself as being lost and that's even tougher to fight with, but also that you might wake up after few years and while looking back you would realize, that you waste many precious moments, few months, or few years of your marvelous life..

time to time, not even the closest ones can help you, well maybe they can, but you think that they cannot.. just, believe in yourself.. believe in the dream you have, believe in all the thirst for life you have when you are happy, eager to live..

dont be satisfied with the reached goal.. you will always need to have more, to gather more knowledge, to gather more love, to gather more life.. why? because then we can give more, because then our life is spicy, because then we live!

one wise philosopher said.. the human being is easy to become lazy. why? because it is natural.. the problem is, that when the human is lazy, he or she thinks, that the world is not moving anymore.. and that's it.. to be able to live, we need to move! to do! to think! to love! to give and to take!

he personally said me to live, to love and to think.. the life needs to have a movement, like a beating heart!

so.. let's move!

my dream..

i need to write it down.. split it up and let the dream being spew out.. my studies.. doing a bit research in humanity studies, meeting people, study the history and behavior, psychology, reasons, grounds and the thinking of old masters. i want to study, i want to earn money coz i want to live in a country of my dreams. i want to live with my lady to find out if we can live together or not, i want to live with her, because she brings me joy, happiness, she brings me power and among the others also tears, sadness and understanding.. she brings me all the spectrum of feelings..

what does she want? does she feel the same? why did she pick me? did she pick me? who am i? young man, trying to be someone, to be responsible, to take care, i try to settle down in my soul.. i cannot change the world, frstly i need to change myself..

i hunt for money, because i need them.. if i want to have nice house, i need to buy it, if i would like to move, i need to have money. cannot change the world without them.. not nowadays

i want to live with her, yeah, winter is coming, end of november and i am telling you that i want to live with my lady.. i dunno how it will be after some time, i cannot foretell.. what i know is, that i am in love, time to time i dont understand her, but it doenst mean, that i do not love her, she is my best friend and i assume that i know what she needs..

question is simple.. should i give myself to someone? is it worth? what if my senses, my heart is mistaken? how can i know that she is the one?

answers are in me.. yes, because if i will give myself, i live.. and i also take! worth? no doubts! how can be my heart mistaken? i sense how fragile she is, my lady, i sense what she needs, i sense what she wants.. i sense who she is.. how can i know that she is the one?

for this i have just one answer..

i believe!!

she..

who we are? what is our life? do i want to wake up everyday early in the morning and go to the office? do i want to spend my lovely life in the office? this is a tiny revolution in me.. i dont have work.. i love it and i think also for human being it is necessary to work.. but i think a work.. something for yourself.. something what will bring you joy, something what doens't suck the energy from you..

the days become to be grey, mon till fri.. everyday.. the same.. waking up, towards office, finish.. and then my life starts.. everyday i eat 8 hours of my life by doing something what doens't bring me joy..

this is the revolution in me.. i miss my studies, i have the thirst for knowledge.. i miss my lady coz she is not living here.. i miss the moments of joy, with her, with friends, to travel, scotland, argue and then talk, love and sadness, lovely experiences and mystical nature, i miss her smile..

i am sad..

taking breath..

down.. at the bottom.. trying to see the light above my head.. this is not how i want it.. not like this.. get together, this is not how it should be.. open your eyes and see that you need to live, but to live means also have responsibility, to think a step ahead, to try to be better..

take a breath, have your time and change the inner world.. there you should start, only with that you would be able to change the space around you..

life is a big adventure..

lets grow..

when i met her i thought that it will be different. when she met me she thought it will be different. not better or worse, just different. sometimes.. man would think that this is really the reason why men group themselfs in pubs and watch soccer match. but then if you really think about it, you realize, that there is nobody who would have such marvelous girl as you have. you realize that it is worth to fight against the misunderstanding, to ask and the let the wise silent moments. never give up.

you feel like throwing everything away, but you will not do it for many reasons. you are not a coward and you face the life as it is. do not give up. if you would, you would regret it till the end of your being. i love her and i will have always strenght to fight with everything. to become a little wizard.. using spells.. i want to be with her, because she is so unique, so beautiful, so kind and childish, so cute and so marvelous. take care of my most precious one! thats what i feel.

i love her.

in pub feeling lonely..

sitting in a pub in bratislava. not hungry nor thirsty however feeling lost, feeling alone, missing my opposite part. feeling like a traveler who would leave the cozy home. i love adventure, i love walking in nature, i love thinking about life.

your inner world is her. you have a bit of her in you. feeling lovenly coz i am missing a girl. i am missing a marvelous girl. she came and burned everything what was mine. thats what i was thinking. in fact she came and let me grow. she put the thirst into my heart. she set up the challenge of my life. she bites, she screams, she cries, she loves, she gives. she is beautiful. she playes with her own rules. i am missing this girl whoever would say that i am crazy, maybe i am , just i cannot stop loving her. struggles, pain, tears, anger. everything is part of this world. i fight with it. does she see what i am? does she see what i am doing? does she love me? or does she love her idea of man and tries me to put in that? to change me into her idea?

i grow and i love. i love her, just her. she is not superficial, she is not normal, she is crazy and full of colors. i love her. there is nothing what would stop loving me her. nothing except her!!

treasure hunter from portobello

there was a little girl. on the portobello coast she was searching for the sea shells. like a little bird, bended down, looing for the most beautiful ones. the kind ocean washes her feet. she kindly asks to wash the sea shells from the sand and the ocean obeys, comes and washes the sea shells for her. her beautiful fairy legs and feet let a footprint in the sand behind her, but nobody knows, the magic ocean make them disappear again. i never saw more joyfull girl in my life. every beautiful sea shell brought her such joy and happiness. she loves. her friends love such sea shells and she loves to give them presents. she is so happy about it.

never saw such beautiful girl. who saw her had to fall in love. all the light, all energy of the world is hidden in her. she is sensitive, you can hurt her with a word but if you take her into arms she shines like the night moon.

she is the most beautiful fairy.

..decadence..

..still we are just humans.. beautiful, cruel, ugly, honest and full of lies.. uncertainty, concers, worries.. unfulfilled dreams, but also unforgettable sunsets, full of different feelings, might brain and soul full of energy..

do not fall down into despair.. there is always some way.. even if it seems that there is any, look under your shoes and you will find one.. and it is just up to you if you will change it or not..

my love is just one.. i love just one woman and i think this is something what is important for me.. why? why i do not sleep with as much as many women when i have the possibility? why i do not get to know with many of them and enjoy the life? because i do.. i enjoy my life.. i give, i gave and it is very edifying, exalting.. deeper, brighter, colorful.. the bottom of the depth is covered by different shells, different doors, nice paintings, a hidden sky and dreamy sound.. i want to go to the depth, i dont want to stay at the surface.. i want to feel all the feelings, i want to become the one with whom she feels secure, calm and cozy in my hug..

i chose my way.. nobody told me to do it, but everybody is telling me how to do it.. how can they know? i chose the way, i am walking the path, i know the circumstances, i know direction of the blowing wind, where the sun goes up and where it goes down, i know the full moon on the night sky and the shining stars..
they are not wrong, they want help, but do they understand me? do they know me? do they see what i see? i am thankfull for all their advices, i am thankfull for all the books, but same as in the books, my story is not exactly the same, we could find some similarities, but my life is not a novel..

trust yourself and listen to all.. give and take.. be the one in your soul! doesnt matter how crazy it is, there will be always your beloved one who will try to understand you..

you only live once..

word is just a thought..

use your fantasy, use your will, your hands and legs, speak, sing and dance, sleep, love and run.. in your mind, many thoughts are appearing, in this moment, just catch one and write it down on some piece of paper..

do you see the word? now you materialised your thought. your thought is on the paper right now. it became something different.. do the miracle and play with the word, paint it, do it, think about it more and more, feel it, swallow it, touch it, kiss it, caress it.. cuddle the word in your hands, mind, soul and heart.. many many thoughts become forgotten. do not let it happen again

do the miracle and blow the word a soul, blow her or him the life and let him live, you did it already while writing it down on the paper.. now it is up to you what will be the next step.

do what comes to your mind, do, live and love

oh my goodness..

where is it? trying to look for it.. where is the goodness?.. seems that everything around me is fulfilled with selfishness.. i would lie, not everything, there are still some lighthouses showing me the way with their light, pure, warm and light full of goodness.. but still it is not enough.. or maybe it is, just it is disappearing in the world so easy.

the way of being selfish is an easy way, it is something what can be recognized very well, something what shines, something what blinks.. being good means to do sacrifices, means to be hidden and let the deeds speak instead.. but who'll listen to them? who'll see them?

again i found out, that if i would like to survive, to life my dream life the harmony needs to be set up. if there is an extrem there should be an extrem at the other end of the pole. the life should be full of different things, like a rainbow, like a night and day. a bit lazy, but also hardworking. it is not good to be too much lazy or too much hardworking.. put it in harmony and life is brightfull..

be a man..

inside of my body is something pulsing.. a seed.. the water for growing came from my beloved, from my closest ones, from friends.. becoming a man.. a bit brassy.. but good, own dreams, but the best place for my beloved, support but not so much, she is powerful enough and i cannot let her become a lazy person.. thirst for body? all the time.. romance? mixed with the wildness!! pride full of dreams, but still me. let the world turn around.. let the night become a day and day become a night.. i will be still here.. taking the lessons of life.. trying to be someone.. no being lazy, letting the life run down between my finger..

i am here and the world is growing, i am growing with him/her.. i am becoming a man..

for free..

nothing is for free.. there are many thigs which can be seen, but we will not see them until we look for them, there are many options how to be good, but we will not reach the level until we sacrifice something, there is an option to love, but we will not be loved if we will not give anything..

if you are lazy, you cannot reach anything.. if you want to be something, do anything for it, if you want become the one from your dream, you need to fight for it. the life is beautiful but nothing comes for free..

fight for your dreams, do anything, dont give up

body..

i fell in love with a naked body.. it is a part of love i treasure for her.. her body is like a dream, like a volcano, hot, warm, burning.. she is like living energy.. giving and taking

it is the love, the celebration of love, possible way how to get your body to heaven and get back with your beloved one. it is a moment when you do not know where you are, what is the time, who you are, you feel, you dont know where, you feel the pulsing energy, you dream, you are very vulnerable, you fly, you swallow, you give and you take, you let and you do, you desire and you are eager.. you love and you are loved.. this is not something purely physical, this is not what your body wants, this is what your body and soul wants.. this is the reunion, this is the fairy tale of love, this is the getting lost in the universe.. this is the thirst, the hidden energy, this is what do women a woman and men a man, this is where the roles are clear, this is something what about you dream, this is the world upside down, where you give and take at the same moment of your being, this is the blessing, the kiss, the caress, the love

do the love passionately, physicaly, do the love with thirst, do it because she is so hot and because he is so marvelous, do it because he is so sexy and she is so amazing, do it in different ways but do it with your heart too, do it with love, with freedom!

the fog is not black like tar

corner stone..

i am trully full of joy.. you will not believe me, but there is something which is driving me crazy, in a good way. something, a girl, who is so girlish, so childish, so cute and marvelous, that in some moments its a real thread. she is sooo sensitive, that even the shape of one letter, even the sound of the word, even the circumstances of the weather are so important, that you really need to go deep to the bottom of the meaning, just sink to the depth of the sense.

i am thankfull for it, because it taught me a lot. just asking myself if also the other part got something from it, like a true symbiosis. my life is like a rainbow, the whole spectre of the colors are changing, daily, or in a moment, in this we can experience not only the most happiness, but also the depth of the sorrow, fekete day and fehér night, the world upside down.

even if everything is chaos, even if the world is upside down, i would like to be a corner stone for someone, she knows what about i am talking and if she listens to my words, she knows what about i am talking. just give me your hand and the sun and the moon will shine for us.

lesson of my life..

there was a time when i wished to die..

what? yeah, i wanted.. i wanted because i learned some things, but the time when i learned them was not the right time.. and there was nobody who would help, just Him.. angels, fairies, moon shine and sun rays.. cold wind covered the city and warm sun rays caressing the face of my angel..

time to time we should realize what the time is, and how the life is fragile, how one foolish step can change everything.. how the happiness is timid, how the love is precious.. how precious is the move of the cloud, how important are the words, what is the sense of living.. of loving, of giving and taking.

how easily and foolishly a dream can be destroyed, how unwillingly the soul can be taken, squeezed and trampled.. there are moments when your own body, soul and thoughts are not the important ones, there are moments where you would offer them, sacrifice them for someone who is.. who is the everything for you..

there are moments when you finally realize what the world, what the stars, the moon and the sun are trying to show you.. hopefully you will read the signs in the right time.. open your hearts and listen..

do not judge.. at the end everyone will be judged.. everyone has heart, the same beating heart and the same red blood as we have.. love.. love at least for a while and you will never forget the feeling of loving somebody, of being loved.. of the feeling when the soul soaks to the other soul.. the feeling when no matter what is happening, the love is there, warming your souls, your hearts..

love the life, love the girl, love the God, love the people around you.. love not hate! mercy for all who do not love.. be thankfull!

foggy day..

many things happened since last time.. many things happened since i was a little boy.. many things happened since i met an angel..

what a great book, she started.. i love that book, and i am similar like one character in it!, really?, i answered, so then i will read it, i heard many rumours 'bout the book and for sure i would like to get you know more, be a bit closer.

thats how it started and i read the book and i am completelly amazed, the author's description skills, so many levels, surfaces in one book, so many references and such a clever book.. thoughtfull and full of surprises.. give a chance to such book, let the book to catch your hand and take you down to the bottom of the ocean of words.. you will not drown.. no no no, trust a bit and your reward will be a marvelous experience. thank you bulgakov, thank you master and margarita, thank you messire..

time.. timeless..

time is cruel.. and we spent most of the time in the job.. yeah i know.. job is needed and for sure.. there must be some work.. there always was and always will be.. i have a strange urge in me.. telling me, that i spend approximately 8 hours [2/3] of the day [12 hours] in some job.. for sure, if i would live in the countryside, i would need to take care of some field.. and for sure.. without the work we cannot live, because work = money and money = living.. thus we all need to work..

why i have the urge, that i my life is running through my fingers, like the water or sunny sand? is it telling me, that this is not the right job for me? that i should do something different? something what would fulfill my heart with joy and not just my wallet with money?

there is a marvelous girl.. a friend of mine.. and she will maybe fly to tibet.. as a volunteer.. it means, that she will pay all the costs.. and i really admire her.. thats the life.. fucking money, we are living just once.. the experience.. the life.. the joy.. the love.. the pride.. is beyond compare.. money? pfff.. no no no.. life!

i am not saying, that i do not need money.. just that the money are an instrument.. not life.. just the instrument.. you can borrow them and then give them back.. work harder and you will have more.. but still there is nothing like changing lifes.. borrow joy and then give it back..

you can live through the experience, joy, smiles, love, pride, sadness.. but you cannot live through the money.. never

growing.. changing.. smiling..

i am growing.. in my soul, in my mind.. in my body.. i am changing.. experiences, books, friends.. i am smiling.. weather, joy, life..

who we are? when we feel the joy? when we are happy? i would like to find out, the social behavior.. meaning.. the human.. it is a social animal.. lets say animal, because it is so..
for sure, it is predeterminate.. together the life is more easier.. human is not meant to be alone.. or live alone.. there should be some social cell in us, or rather say, the brain realized, that when we will kill the mammoth, it is better to invite all the friends, because it is impossible to eat the whole mammoth by ourselfs.. and the rest would get to the status of bad meat.. rather split the mammoth.. ensure the friendship and next time, when we will starve, because we did not catch the mammoth this time, our friends will split their mammoth and give us a part..

for sure it is better to live in a group.. from the group there was a bigger group.. a clan.. a village.. a city.. more cities.. the metropolis.. agglomeration.. globalization..

like the life.. once we will die.. renovatio.. renaissance.. ortega y gasset, spencer.. machiavelli.. there is a end.. and new life is born..

a mountain..

sometimes i just stop myself.. stop myself doing the steps towards the top of the mountain.. the mountain is huge.. it is sooo big, that the top is hidden in the fogy clouds.. i feel like i would look at an iceberg.. i see the top but not the rest, here i see the basis, but i do not know where it continues..

let me sit.. i see the mountain and i think that it is impossible to step the mountain up.. to climb, to watch the steps to avoid falling down.. yeah, it is dangerous.. dangerous like life itself.. wait.. the mountain is the life.. yeah, i see it know.. what shall i do, while looking at the mountain, i think, impossible, thats crazy, i cannot do it..

then i stand up and move myself closer to the mountain, i see, that i am on the basis, just did a short distance towards the top.. i see, that it is possible to climb up

for sure, what i was thinking? to swallow the whole mountain in one moment? to just jump up and appear on the top? uh.. foolish man i am.. piece by piece, step by step i will climb up.. yeah, dangerous, yeah, tough..

yeah, life!

leave it..

there is a world.. and she is living there.. she lives there since she was born.. she is marvelous, beautiful and angel-like.. honestly many times, i am suspicious that she is one of the angels..

but she doesn't like compromises.. in her world everything has some reason, everything is there for some reason even if it doesn't have a reason or it lacks the common sense.. just it is her world.. and she is willing to let some of us to step in.. but she doesn't want us to affect her world.. she is proud of her world.. and she knows that her world is precious..

even more precious than our worlds..

jump in..

sometimes.. you behave like the end of the world is coming tomorrow.. u live.. u life the day like it would be the last one.. no banal, everyday..

i usually use to behave like that in everything.. i know.. i should be more conservative.. i love fully, i let my feelings hit my heart.. even if it is not nice and sometimes i feel sad.. by then.. other days i feel so marvelous that it is worth it..

to get trust.. someone whom i can trust.. someone who would trust me.. confidence.. on the other hand.. risk.. what shall i choose? risk that i will love someone and then after year i will realize that i do not love her anymore? or that she did not love me at all? should i jump in and let my feelings tickle my heart, or should be more conservative till i will know that she is the one?

just do it..

the moods, tastes, thrills.. it is like a weather.. once you would like to have the most sweetest evening and right after next morning you feel like the animal in you is thirsty for some wild adventure..

that's it, one evening you talk about dark blue sky with shiny stars, drinking wine, enjoying the presence of the other one.. and in the morning, still laying in the bed you feel like the thrill in you should be blown off. such kind of morning i've experienced today..

just laying in the bed.. and imagining how my beautiful one is laying next to me.. in her pyjamas, the chest was going down and up thanks to the breath, her eyes closed.. i caressed her.. very gently.. i gave her a kiss, lightly on her cheek.. then i gave her another one, closer to her ear.. i moved closer to her body, so i could feel every move of her, her stomach touching mine, legs touching her thighs.. so much i wanted her.. my hand got under her upper part of pyjamas, so i could feel the warm stomach and beck.. i moved even closer to her and wanted to take her into my arms, when she turned round and showed me her back..

i never know if this is an intendment or just a pure coincidence.. anyway, she gave me the space to eat her.. for sure, she knows that her butt turns me on.. i told her many times..

there were no other option.. i needed to continue.. the lust.. the taste for the wilder morning.. taste to touch her and kiss her.. taste for feeling her naked body.. taste for her

happiness..

there is a status called happiness.. i would like to bound this status with weather.. because it is like weather.. one time you are happy and after some moments a big storm full of sad things will go over you and the happiness is gone.. for a while..

'try to change the perception and you can see the happiness'.. that's what i read.. for sure there is a seed of truth in the sentence.. bad things happen.. and i know.. that sometimes.. happiness can be fight with such silly things as human thirst.. thirst for more.. more things.. more love, because someone think that the other one do not love him enough.. more money

'you need to be humble' and 'behave'.. told me my beloved one.. she is right.. though i always argue with the behave command.. dunno why.. maybe when i hear it.. it sounds me like.. behave, because you are in society and what would the others think about you?.. how to live freely? how to set up an anarchy when the true sentence should be the kant's imperative, which i would translate as.. 'your borders end there where the border of others starts'

feel free.. mix the different potions.. the society with your wild soul.. do it if you would like to survive.. my advise is to put there a big portion of love, soul, mind and a small portion of society.. just the purest one..

i cannot help myself.. today my kind friend told me that i shine, that i have to be in love.. she was right..

some things about life..

i try to live.. i try hard.. to be free.. it is tough because i was educated, born and grown in society.. all the things, good or not were glued on me.. now i need to snatch some of them away.. i know that i can do it.. not now, not after a week, but once i will be free.. i will not be ashamed to be myself.. i will not feel bonded while standing naked before her eyes.. her beautifuly blue eyes.. this is my body and i need to take care of it.. this is my soul and i need to take care of her, this is my mind and i need to take care of him..

i love to make people happy.. my mother died and i was not with her at that time.. i was taking care about her all the time.. and after few months i got fed up.. i needed to let the steam go away.. i asked my dad to stay with my her.. and while i was having fun with my friend, she died.. unexpectly in the arms of my father..

one moment got stuck in my mind.. if i would be with her.. i would tell her many things.. i cannot regret.. not now.. it happened and i cannot get the time back.. unwillingly my mom taught me one more thing with her death.. to live.. to enjoy the life in every moment.. to give what she gave me.. the love.. the unmeasureable love.. the feeling that if you are feeling bad, there is always one person you can tell whatever, at any time.. someone who will love you for the fact who you are.. someone who will respect you and take your hand always when you will need it..

someone who will do crazy things with you.. someone who will tell you a fairy tale for the good night.. someone who will help you when you do not know which step should be the next.. someone who always has the understanding and open arms for you..

my mother taught me many things.. many of them i saw after her death.. i realised how you notice how much was the one precious for you after she or he is gone..

nobody will tell me what to do and how to behave.. this is my life and i want to live.. i want to love.. i want to make love.. i want to give caress.. i want to kiss.. i want to do walks into the greenest nature.. i want to do love.. i want to do breakfasts for my beloved.. i want to hug.. i want to lick.. i want to learn.. i want to read.. i want to watch.. i want to see.. i want to feel.. i want to be myself.. i want to be free

i've been forced to dream..

about a lovely night with my beloved one.. there were winter time.. snow everywhere and we were locked in a wooden house deep in the forest.. you would look through the windows and see just the dark blue sky with shiny golden-white stars on the top and white snow glistens with sparks.. snow hills capturing the house, where the only possibility to leave is to wait till spring..

i wondered how beautiful the woman, laying by my side is.. her body, the face i could see with the fire light shades on it.. the voluptuous lips and the devil's spark in her eyes.. her arms hugging me and she whispering some words to my ears.. no sentence which does sense.. but a magic formula, goofer.. my head was full of thrill which like a blizzard went to every cell of my body.. a bit sensual storm was in charge.. the falling stars on the sky and both of us soaking into each other.. passionate kisses, pure physical love.. there is a love.. a love in our hearts.. there is the precious connection between our souls.. and this is the lust.. the lust of our bodies.. the things when the coldness become hot, water drops become fog, thrill moves you to another world and for some moments you feel like you do not have a body..

and then you find yourself laying next to your love.. she has still the devil's spark in her eyes and you know.. that you want to escape to that world just with her

imagination..

let me think about not having society.. about the culture.. about the bahavior and rules it comes with.. for sure, being selfish and being focused on our own dreams is part of an anarchy thing.. and for sure if you need to survive, at least you need to cooperate with the society.. at the end i have to say, society is not bad.. look at many books, paintings, thoughts, great ideas brought by society.. by people living in there..

it seems, that the problem is somewhere else.. it is not society.. at least not just society.. which is i would say an end product of a human kind.. lets say.. the main thing is in us.. lazyness.. not having taste for living.. giving up many things.. being scared.. there are many beautiful things in us.. many things doing our life wonderful.. do not hide them.. do not listen to the society if you do not want.. be yourself.. just be yourself, soak deep into the matter of you and bring up at least a bit of it on surface..

be a child..once again

be childish.. behave openly and be free to say what come on your mind.. be stubborn, be brassy, little arrogant, be mean.. you know what i mean.. come back to the years, when the reasponsibility, when the worries were just a word in a book.. come back to the youth where the world meanings were still hidden.. come to the world and take with you the experience.. come here and be free.. do what your heart please, do what your brain please, do what your soul please.. it is your life..

so live!

living in a bubble..

most of us are living in the bubble.. in the world.. in the world of ours.. yes, it is true that many of us are highly connected with the society, but i am not talking about you in society, i am talking about your world, about your feelings and dreams after you will get home after the work.. yeah, that's it.. your own world..

we are used to live in our words, for sure, since our youth we build such world for us, we have our friends, we have our habits, our beloved style of breakfast, our beloved place on the bed..

usually we do not like someone to rush into our world and re-arrange it.. we do not like to accept other rules.. everything does sense.. in our world.. let somebody step into your world and chaos will reign..

at least for some time you can be sure, that you will not know where is the top and where is the bottom..

at the end, you can live in the most beautiful world..

pride..

i know the place.. a land full of corn fields.. high corn stems waving in the wind while the red sun goes down.. i know the feeling when my love is laying down and asking me to come to her arms.. i know the taste of her kisses on my face.. i know the sound of her lovely voice caressing my ears.. i know the smell of the fresh air mixed with the smell of her soft skin.. i know the time when sun asks the moon to come on sky and guard us in the night..

i know.. i dreamt.

one thing cannot reach my brain without being asked. soul asked why we hurt our beloveds, why we let our venom touch their ears and skin? do not punish, love.. forgive.. life is like a path.. not stright, but with many hills, mountain and depths.. time to time the walk is not easy at all and often we would like to stop, give it up, or turn back.. do not do it.. take the challenge.. and be proud.
we choose each other.. be proud.. be proud of her or him.. thank them for the day.. thank them for the kiss.. thank them for the words..

on university i used to study the old greece, the youth of the philosophy.. i used to study old myths.. i used to be a member of gender studies.. nowadays, there is lack of pride.. we got something and we would like to change it for something another.. instead of being proud..

i love her.. i am proud on her.. i am proud of her dreams, proud of the true women living in her, proud of her body.. she is like a queen, old greece goddess..

dreamless night..

dreaming is a thing which happen unwillingly.. we get to bed, close eyes and let our minds work while our body is getting a big shot of relax..

once i dreamt about an evening.. about an afternoon.. sitting in wooden house, two floors, big terrace, around the house just trees and grass, highly probable, the house was settled at shore's cliff very likely somewhere in scotland, ireland or new zealand.. just the green saturated color left a big mark in my mind.. i found myself sitting in the library, reading the boccaccio's dekameron while my beautiful lady was with me.. dont remember if in the room or somewhere in the house, just i could feel her presence.. there was a smell of well prepared dinner and when i came to the table and kissed her, suddenly an oriental scent mixed with the cinnamon stick which layed on the table reached my mind and took me milion miles away..

when i came back she was wearing a silk robe and it fell down very slowly.. she was stadning there in her very nakedness before my eyes. came closer and took my head to her arms.. i kissed her on breast..

just let her be herself and she is a true goddess.. like the old greek ones.. full of desire, passion and thirsty for life..

wednesday morning..

there is one thing which is worth to think about it.. just look around you and think about the fact what is real and what is fake. what is living on the pages of different books and what we are living through.. if the little green papers called money are real.. is the love the love we see in movies or read in books? is the kiss done in a right way only because it is written somewhere in how-to-kiss walkthrough? society teaches us how to behave, we got all the knowledge, we are free to examine, explore.. search through the wisdom of a mankind.. we are free to think..

what we almost forgot is to live.. feel free to live in society, feel free to live in the countryside far away from everyone.. just live.. be yourself, just you..

selfishness..

be more selfish.. you are nobody's business.. everybody has the right to be yourself.. to not care about the others.. the rules are the same.. time is cruel, time is passing by like flowing river.. take the time for you.. you are the most important.. go for your taste, for your thirst, dreams! enjoy the life, do not get stuck.. do not postpone the things for them your thirst is just burning you.. do not say that tomorrow is day too.. do it today, do it right now..

tell that you love, tell that you hate, cry, smile, laugh.. smash the glass, scream, dance, kiss, do love, drink, eat, sleep, run, tell the truth, be honest.. live

dream..

there was a little girl.. girl full of magic.. girl who does spells..
there was a girl.. girl who changes her moods as the weather change itself..
there was a girl a girl who is a fairy, a girl who is a princess of the well hidden magic forest..

i met this girl and my life became a rainbow.

i hear the voices..

i hear the voices and smiles .. the voices of my heart.. i hear the joyfull laugh.. it is my love.. it is me and my love running through a field of grass.. running and smiling.. laughing.. the arms are wide open, hands are soaking the sun.. fingers are playing with the autumn wind.. her laugh is making me become a man from a fairy tale.. he voice is like thousand and one fairy tales.. she is my princess.. we feel the morning dew on our bare foots..

we are running through the field and arms are wide open.. our arms become wings and we can fly.. she is faster than me.. covering me with her wings we found ourselves laying next to each other..

i hear her laugh, she is my love..

green fields..

there are many green fields.. well hidden ones.. ones not so well hidden, big fields and fields so small that even for the ant they represents a green desert..

i found myself lying on a green field.. lying in the high grass.. almost sleeping.. no.. i fell asleep.. and then i woke up.. and i found myself lying on a green field..

the is a rain drop.. a rain drop who doesnt know when she was born.. whether she is from the river or from the big cloud full of steam.. is she the temperature making the steam water again? she doesnt know.. one think she knows everything, but she is the falling one.. on the surface of the drop you can see our world as a little fancy painting..

i found myself lying on a green field.. lying in the high grass and watching a blueish cloud coming .. i was sleeping.. and then i woke up.. and i found myself lying on a green field..

there is a wind.. a wind waving with the grass.. a strong wind taking the trees out of the dry soil.. a breeze caressing your face.. a stormy wind crazy like a little child, jumping from one side to another..

i found myself lying on a green field and a drop was falling towards the brown soil.. the earth blow out lighter wind who took the drop a little distance far..

there was a world.. full of love

i found myself lying on a green field and a drop kissed my forehead..

two worlds..

there are many worlds and we are living in a few of them.. sometimes we just step out from one and step in to other one.. there is a world around us and there is a world inside of us.. there is a world just behind the backyeard.. there is a world just before our steps which we hardly reach..

may happen that we try to listen, try to understand the other one.. try to catch the sense, the meaning of the deeds, of the words, sentences.. but we just do not.. we are captured by some world, mostly our world.. and we know, we see, we hear, we touch, but we do not listen, we know that the words are wise, that there is maybe the truth, just is hard to listen, hard to raise the hand and let the world fall in our arms..

sometimes is so difficult to let the worlds melt into one..

semptember's thursday morning

break the reading of "the name of the rose" from umberto eco with a book named "a spot of bother" from an author of "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time". while reading the book, thought about the old age of a human and was carried by my imagination to a land full of joy, where a house with garden is settled and a near by river or a stream is crossed by a wooden bridge. a land full of yellowish and redish sunsets, land full of magic moons and lovely breeze playing with your hair or giving you light kisses on your face.

imagined how i wake up and see my love sleeping next to me, giving her a light kiss on her forehead and thank the angels for such marvelous woman. make her blanket cover her so the cold morning breeze would not tickelish her lovely feet. watching her sleepin' and again and again contemplate about the fact how beautiful she is and what does she mean for me.

at the end of thinking just admit that my dream became a reality. stealing a part of her blanket and joining my love by her side, give her a hug and enjoy the beautiful moment of another marvelous and magic morning.

money money.. money

and again money.. it seems that nowadays we changed everything for money, for money you can buy everything, health, love, life! for money you can get much attention. with money you have power, because this world is ruled by the money. with money you can even buy another life, even a life of someone's else. money, money..

one nice thought is if everything what you get for money is real [not sure with this thought].. is the health real, if you need buy some? is the power the true? are the money the matter of power? something is wrongly set up.. the whole society, it seems to be one magic cirlcle from which we cannot escape.. and we earn money for such silly things sometimes.. and the countries are in wars, and some people are evil and the truth power, the power of good, the power of human, the power of smile and love is covered by the power of money. love smells good, money stinks.

something is not all right!

pay attention..

to words.. to your thoughts.. think before you will say something, think before you will write something.. every word contains a magic meaning, with words you can change the world, with words you do spells, with words you are.. they are strong, they are powerful, they are full of hidden secrets, they change your moods..

give yourself..

give yourself, give yourself and you will get more back.. give dreams and you will get the reality.. give me a word and i will give you whole sentence..

to be selfish.. i fully agree.. everyone should be selfish enough to be able to fulfill the dreams, the wishes, to follow the signs.. but if you will keep everything for yourself, all the satisfaction will be not worth of it.. share and you will get more.. open.. truth.. thoughts.. dreams.. worries.. doubts.. tell them to the wind, tell them to the sun, moon, river.. tell them.. share them with the world.. share them.. give them out.. let them be, let them fly, let them melt in the sun rays, in the moon magic in the star dust.. smile, love and live.

good for your soul..

i would so much like to tell you what is good for our souls, unfortunately i am not you and you are not me.. i would so much like to tell you how to love but i am not you and you are not me.. thus do not think that all the ways you can see are the right ways of living.. find your own way.. do not agree with the dictation of someone else's words.. do not agree with the dreams of your friends.. i know they are great and you love them, i love them too, but their dreams are not my dreams.. find yourselfs in the very depth of your soul.. find there the answers which way you should take, find them and trust them. trust your own soul, your ownr steps, your own deeds. take your life into your hands, just do not give up, live!

empty words..

listening to jazz music, imagining countries far away hidden in the star dust.. places full of flowing rivers, floating clouds all in very different shapes, some of them full of water, those are dark blue colored and soon the rain will fall from them towards the brown soil, touching also the green, red and yellow leaves.. forest covered with morning fog and lakes with many birds..

down there on the forest coast, there is a wooden house.. solid gallery covered by the house roof.. very morning, and my love is sitting there.. in her silk-soft hand is a paintbrush and before her a white canvas.. on her face a content smile full of love.. she is doing her magic again.. enriching my life, giving me everything what i ever wanted.. somebody so beautiful, marvelous and kind that you think that she is not real.. to be honest, she is an angel, a fairy who came here to show me the beauty of life, well hidden before my eyes..

why wait? why postpone the sweet words i would like to tell her? why should i wait for the moment when i will have the courage?.. no, do it now.. do it when you feel it.. do not postpone your life.. time is cruel.. do.. live!!

cant sleep..

.. saturday very morning.. friday night couldnt fall asleep. imagine the driest desert on earth.. the soil is cracky like old almost destroyed skin.. the holy angel, the rainy cloud is far away and you would soo much like to get at least a drop.. just one water drop and i would again get green..
today i realized how much, even if we would like to be in charge over our lives.. how much the fate of others can determine our next steps.. life is not constant but moving, changing, growing and dying.. with every moment which passed by.. what is done cannot be changed.. and still we are angry, upset, we hurt our beloveds, we cry for such silly things.. uhum.. for sure, we survive but for what price?

thank you my angel, you are the water for my dry soil, with you i grow!!

where is the line..

following sentences are completely personal.. where is the line between good and bad? where is the freedom? who said that i should do things as everybody does? what's truth? did we really got our lifes to spend them in the whirl of the society? to earn money for the state? to earn money for the war planner and their bombs? to earn money for us, to be able to buy the fuckin' packed water because the water in the rivers is terribly dirty? where the footprint of our lifes will stay, if we will just live for this things? where we leave our mark, if we will just be born, consentingly give our life's to the society machinery and then die with empty heart? come on people, open your eyes, you have just this life, live the life deeply, passionately, wisely, openly, with love.. just live, do not survive, live!

explore yourself..

just a thought about a loooong 3 months trip crossed my mind. just to pack the most needed things, tent, sleeping bag and leave.. leave the city, go across europe, alone, just me, the sun, the moon and my thoughts.. to explore myself, to find the matter, to know what is hidden there in the very deep of me.. to experience rough times - no rough times as "ou shit, my bank account is without a cent again" or "to wake up at 6, go to work, spend there 8 hours, which is almost a half of the day and then live my life.." no, something must be wrong..

feel free..

we shouldnt be much concerned about the history, not science history, about the personal history. we cannot change things which happened already and the breeze of time roll them away. we can take the lesson from the past, we can look back but do not forget that we are living now.. right now, nothing stops.. the time river flows
neither history nor the future.. the present is the most precious for us. if you feel something very urgent in your hearts.. do it.. do it know!

mind, soul and body

just thinking about the three instances.. mind, soul and body. to which instance.. matter should human listen? whom is the conscience responsible? do you have taste for something? chocolate, kiss, love? will you take it as it is, or will you think about the consequences? mind let you think about it, body wants it, soul maybe tells you something different.

do we listen what we want? what we want if we have many sides of passion, appetence? how should i behave? where is the truth? is it in the sun shining on the sky? or the moon taking care about our dreams?

fact no.2

nope.. my english is not perfect and i do not own any of the thoughs above, but this is my perception.. this is how i see the world, this is what i think is good

fact no.3

just listen.. listen to the morning breeze, listen to the morning dew.. listen to your heart, listen to your friends.

do not put your life into a paper box with your name, open the box and share your life with everyone.. happiness only when shared!!

fact no.1

everything is full of love