some things about life..

i try to live.. i try hard.. to be free.. it is tough because i was educated, born and grown in society.. all the things, good or not were glued on me.. now i need to snatch some of them away.. i know that i can do it.. not now, not after a week, but once i will be free.. i will not be ashamed to be myself.. i will not feel bonded while standing naked before her eyes.. her beautifuly blue eyes.. this is my body and i need to take care of it.. this is my soul and i need to take care of her, this is my mind and i need to take care of him..

i love to make people happy.. my mother died and i was not with her at that time.. i was taking care about her all the time.. and after few months i got fed up.. i needed to let the steam go away.. i asked my dad to stay with my her.. and while i was having fun with my friend, she died.. unexpectly in the arms of my father..

one moment got stuck in my mind.. if i would be with her.. i would tell her many things.. i cannot regret.. not now.. it happened and i cannot get the time back.. unwillingly my mom taught me one more thing with her death.. to live.. to enjoy the life in every moment.. to give what she gave me.. the love.. the unmeasureable love.. the feeling that if you are feeling bad, there is always one person you can tell whatever, at any time.. someone who will love you for the fact who you are.. someone who will respect you and take your hand always when you will need it..

someone who will do crazy things with you.. someone who will tell you a fairy tale for the good night.. someone who will help you when you do not know which step should be the next.. someone who always has the understanding and open arms for you..

my mother taught me many things.. many of them i saw after her death.. i realised how you notice how much was the one precious for you after she or he is gone..

nobody will tell me what to do and how to behave.. this is my life and i want to live.. i want to love.. i want to make love.. i want to give caress.. i want to kiss.. i want to do walks into the greenest nature.. i want to do love.. i want to do breakfasts for my beloved.. i want to hug.. i want to lick.. i want to learn.. i want to read.. i want to watch.. i want to see.. i want to feel.. i want to be myself.. i want to be free