time.. timeless..

time is cruel.. and we spent most of the time in the job.. yeah i know.. job is needed and for sure.. there must be some work.. there always was and always will be.. i have a strange urge in me.. telling me, that i spend approximately 8 hours [2/3] of the day [12 hours] in some job.. for sure, if i would live in the countryside, i would need to take care of some field.. and for sure.. without the work we cannot live, because work = money and money = living.. thus we all need to work..

why i have the urge, that i my life is running through my fingers, like the water or sunny sand? is it telling me, that this is not the right job for me? that i should do something different? something what would fulfill my heart with joy and not just my wallet with money?

there is a marvelous girl.. a friend of mine.. and she will maybe fly to tibet.. as a volunteer.. it means, that she will pay all the costs.. and i really admire her.. thats the life.. fucking money, we are living just once.. the experience.. the life.. the joy.. the love.. the pride.. is beyond compare.. money? pfff.. no no no.. life!

i am not saying, that i do not need money.. just that the money are an instrument.. not life.. just the instrument.. you can borrow them and then give them back.. work harder and you will have more.. but still there is nothing like changing lifes.. borrow joy and then give it back..

you can live through the experience, joy, smiles, love, pride, sadness.. but you cannot live through the money.. never

growing.. changing.. smiling..

i am growing.. in my soul, in my mind.. in my body.. i am changing.. experiences, books, friends.. i am smiling.. weather, joy, life..

who we are? when we feel the joy? when we are happy? i would like to find out, the social behavior.. meaning.. the human.. it is a social animal.. lets say animal, because it is so..
for sure, it is predeterminate.. together the life is more easier.. human is not meant to be alone.. or live alone.. there should be some social cell in us, or rather say, the brain realized, that when we will kill the mammoth, it is better to invite all the friends, because it is impossible to eat the whole mammoth by ourselfs.. and the rest would get to the status of bad meat.. rather split the mammoth.. ensure the friendship and next time, when we will starve, because we did not catch the mammoth this time, our friends will split their mammoth and give us a part..

for sure it is better to live in a group.. from the group there was a bigger group.. a clan.. a village.. a city.. more cities.. the metropolis.. agglomeration.. globalization..

like the life.. once we will die.. renovatio.. renaissance.. ortega y gasset, spencer.. machiavelli.. there is a end.. and new life is born..

a mountain..

sometimes i just stop myself.. stop myself doing the steps towards the top of the mountain.. the mountain is huge.. it is sooo big, that the top is hidden in the fogy clouds.. i feel like i would look at an iceberg.. i see the top but not the rest, here i see the basis, but i do not know where it continues..

let me sit.. i see the mountain and i think that it is impossible to step the mountain up.. to climb, to watch the steps to avoid falling down.. yeah, it is dangerous.. dangerous like life itself.. wait.. the mountain is the life.. yeah, i see it know.. what shall i do, while looking at the mountain, i think, impossible, thats crazy, i cannot do it..

then i stand up and move myself closer to the mountain, i see, that i am on the basis, just did a short distance towards the top.. i see, that it is possible to climb up

for sure, what i was thinking? to swallow the whole mountain in one moment? to just jump up and appear on the top? uh.. foolish man i am.. piece by piece, step by step i will climb up.. yeah, dangerous, yeah, tough..

yeah, life!

leave it..

there is a world.. and she is living there.. she lives there since she was born.. she is marvelous, beautiful and angel-like.. honestly many times, i am suspicious that she is one of the angels..

but she doesn't like compromises.. in her world everything has some reason, everything is there for some reason even if it doesn't have a reason or it lacks the common sense.. just it is her world.. and she is willing to let some of us to step in.. but she doesn't want us to affect her world.. she is proud of her world.. and she knows that her world is precious..

even more precious than our worlds..

jump in..

sometimes.. you behave like the end of the world is coming tomorrow.. u live.. u life the day like it would be the last one.. no banal, everyday..

i usually use to behave like that in everything.. i know.. i should be more conservative.. i love fully, i let my feelings hit my heart.. even if it is not nice and sometimes i feel sad.. by then.. other days i feel so marvelous that it is worth it..

to get trust.. someone whom i can trust.. someone who would trust me.. confidence.. on the other hand.. risk.. what shall i choose? risk that i will love someone and then after year i will realize that i do not love her anymore? or that she did not love me at all? should i jump in and let my feelings tickle my heart, or should be more conservative till i will know that she is the one?

just do it..

the moods, tastes, thrills.. it is like a weather.. once you would like to have the most sweetest evening and right after next morning you feel like the animal in you is thirsty for some wild adventure..

that's it, one evening you talk about dark blue sky with shiny stars, drinking wine, enjoying the presence of the other one.. and in the morning, still laying in the bed you feel like the thrill in you should be blown off. such kind of morning i've experienced today..

just laying in the bed.. and imagining how my beautiful one is laying next to me.. in her pyjamas, the chest was going down and up thanks to the breath, her eyes closed.. i caressed her.. very gently.. i gave her a kiss, lightly on her cheek.. then i gave her another one, closer to her ear.. i moved closer to her body, so i could feel every move of her, her stomach touching mine, legs touching her thighs.. so much i wanted her.. my hand got under her upper part of pyjamas, so i could feel the warm stomach and beck.. i moved even closer to her and wanted to take her into my arms, when she turned round and showed me her back..

i never know if this is an intendment or just a pure coincidence.. anyway, she gave me the space to eat her.. for sure, she knows that her butt turns me on.. i told her many times..

there were no other option.. i needed to continue.. the lust.. the taste for the wilder morning.. taste to touch her and kiss her.. taste for feeling her naked body.. taste for her

happiness..

there is a status called happiness.. i would like to bound this status with weather.. because it is like weather.. one time you are happy and after some moments a big storm full of sad things will go over you and the happiness is gone.. for a while..

'try to change the perception and you can see the happiness'.. that's what i read.. for sure there is a seed of truth in the sentence.. bad things happen.. and i know.. that sometimes.. happiness can be fight with such silly things as human thirst.. thirst for more.. more things.. more love, because someone think that the other one do not love him enough.. more money

'you need to be humble' and 'behave'.. told me my beloved one.. she is right.. though i always argue with the behave command.. dunno why.. maybe when i hear it.. it sounds me like.. behave, because you are in society and what would the others think about you?.. how to live freely? how to set up an anarchy when the true sentence should be the kant's imperative, which i would translate as.. 'your borders end there where the border of others starts'

feel free.. mix the different potions.. the society with your wild soul.. do it if you would like to survive.. my advise is to put there a big portion of love, soul, mind and a small portion of society.. just the purest one..

i cannot help myself.. today my kind friend told me that i shine, that i have to be in love.. she was right..

some things about life..

i try to live.. i try hard.. to be free.. it is tough because i was educated, born and grown in society.. all the things, good or not were glued on me.. now i need to snatch some of them away.. i know that i can do it.. not now, not after a week, but once i will be free.. i will not be ashamed to be myself.. i will not feel bonded while standing naked before her eyes.. her beautifuly blue eyes.. this is my body and i need to take care of it.. this is my soul and i need to take care of her, this is my mind and i need to take care of him..

i love to make people happy.. my mother died and i was not with her at that time.. i was taking care about her all the time.. and after few months i got fed up.. i needed to let the steam go away.. i asked my dad to stay with my her.. and while i was having fun with my friend, she died.. unexpectly in the arms of my father..

one moment got stuck in my mind.. if i would be with her.. i would tell her many things.. i cannot regret.. not now.. it happened and i cannot get the time back.. unwillingly my mom taught me one more thing with her death.. to live.. to enjoy the life in every moment.. to give what she gave me.. the love.. the unmeasureable love.. the feeling that if you are feeling bad, there is always one person you can tell whatever, at any time.. someone who will love you for the fact who you are.. someone who will respect you and take your hand always when you will need it..

someone who will do crazy things with you.. someone who will tell you a fairy tale for the good night.. someone who will help you when you do not know which step should be the next.. someone who always has the understanding and open arms for you..

my mother taught me many things.. many of them i saw after her death.. i realised how you notice how much was the one precious for you after she or he is gone..

nobody will tell me what to do and how to behave.. this is my life and i want to live.. i want to love.. i want to make love.. i want to give caress.. i want to kiss.. i want to do walks into the greenest nature.. i want to do love.. i want to do breakfasts for my beloved.. i want to hug.. i want to lick.. i want to learn.. i want to read.. i want to watch.. i want to see.. i want to feel.. i want to be myself.. i want to be free

i've been forced to dream..

about a lovely night with my beloved one.. there were winter time.. snow everywhere and we were locked in a wooden house deep in the forest.. you would look through the windows and see just the dark blue sky with shiny golden-white stars on the top and white snow glistens with sparks.. snow hills capturing the house, where the only possibility to leave is to wait till spring..

i wondered how beautiful the woman, laying by my side is.. her body, the face i could see with the fire light shades on it.. the voluptuous lips and the devil's spark in her eyes.. her arms hugging me and she whispering some words to my ears.. no sentence which does sense.. but a magic formula, goofer.. my head was full of thrill which like a blizzard went to every cell of my body.. a bit sensual storm was in charge.. the falling stars on the sky and both of us soaking into each other.. passionate kisses, pure physical love.. there is a love.. a love in our hearts.. there is the precious connection between our souls.. and this is the lust.. the lust of our bodies.. the things when the coldness become hot, water drops become fog, thrill moves you to another world and for some moments you feel like you do not have a body..

and then you find yourself laying next to your love.. she has still the devil's spark in her eyes and you know.. that you want to escape to that world just with her

imagination..

let me think about not having society.. about the culture.. about the bahavior and rules it comes with.. for sure, being selfish and being focused on our own dreams is part of an anarchy thing.. and for sure if you need to survive, at least you need to cooperate with the society.. at the end i have to say, society is not bad.. look at many books, paintings, thoughts, great ideas brought by society.. by people living in there..

it seems, that the problem is somewhere else.. it is not society.. at least not just society.. which is i would say an end product of a human kind.. lets say.. the main thing is in us.. lazyness.. not having taste for living.. giving up many things.. being scared.. there are many beautiful things in us.. many things doing our life wonderful.. do not hide them.. do not listen to the society if you do not want.. be yourself.. just be yourself, soak deep into the matter of you and bring up at least a bit of it on surface..

be a child..once again

be childish.. behave openly and be free to say what come on your mind.. be stubborn, be brassy, little arrogant, be mean.. you know what i mean.. come back to the years, when the reasponsibility, when the worries were just a word in a book.. come back to the youth where the world meanings were still hidden.. come to the world and take with you the experience.. come here and be free.. do what your heart please, do what your brain please, do what your soul please.. it is your life..

so live!

living in a bubble..

most of us are living in the bubble.. in the world.. in the world of ours.. yes, it is true that many of us are highly connected with the society, but i am not talking about you in society, i am talking about your world, about your feelings and dreams after you will get home after the work.. yeah, that's it.. your own world..

we are used to live in our words, for sure, since our youth we build such world for us, we have our friends, we have our habits, our beloved style of breakfast, our beloved place on the bed..

usually we do not like someone to rush into our world and re-arrange it.. we do not like to accept other rules.. everything does sense.. in our world.. let somebody step into your world and chaos will reign..

at least for some time you can be sure, that you will not know where is the top and where is the bottom..

at the end, you can live in the most beautiful world..

pride..

i know the place.. a land full of corn fields.. high corn stems waving in the wind while the red sun goes down.. i know the feeling when my love is laying down and asking me to come to her arms.. i know the taste of her kisses on my face.. i know the sound of her lovely voice caressing my ears.. i know the smell of the fresh air mixed with the smell of her soft skin.. i know the time when sun asks the moon to come on sky and guard us in the night..

i know.. i dreamt.

one thing cannot reach my brain without being asked. soul asked why we hurt our beloveds, why we let our venom touch their ears and skin? do not punish, love.. forgive.. life is like a path.. not stright, but with many hills, mountain and depths.. time to time the walk is not easy at all and often we would like to stop, give it up, or turn back.. do not do it.. take the challenge.. and be proud.
we choose each other.. be proud.. be proud of her or him.. thank them for the day.. thank them for the kiss.. thank them for the words..

on university i used to study the old greece, the youth of the philosophy.. i used to study old myths.. i used to be a member of gender studies.. nowadays, there is lack of pride.. we got something and we would like to change it for something another.. instead of being proud..

i love her.. i am proud on her.. i am proud of her dreams, proud of the true women living in her, proud of her body.. she is like a queen, old greece goddess..

dreamless night..

dreaming is a thing which happen unwillingly.. we get to bed, close eyes and let our minds work while our body is getting a big shot of relax..

once i dreamt about an evening.. about an afternoon.. sitting in wooden house, two floors, big terrace, around the house just trees and grass, highly probable, the house was settled at shore's cliff very likely somewhere in scotland, ireland or new zealand.. just the green saturated color left a big mark in my mind.. i found myself sitting in the library, reading the boccaccio's dekameron while my beautiful lady was with me.. dont remember if in the room or somewhere in the house, just i could feel her presence.. there was a smell of well prepared dinner and when i came to the table and kissed her, suddenly an oriental scent mixed with the cinnamon stick which layed on the table reached my mind and took me milion miles away..

when i came back she was wearing a silk robe and it fell down very slowly.. she was stadning there in her very nakedness before my eyes. came closer and took my head to her arms.. i kissed her on breast..

just let her be herself and she is a true goddess.. like the old greek ones.. full of desire, passion and thirsty for life..

wednesday morning..

there is one thing which is worth to think about it.. just look around you and think about the fact what is real and what is fake. what is living on the pages of different books and what we are living through.. if the little green papers called money are real.. is the love the love we see in movies or read in books? is the kiss done in a right way only because it is written somewhere in how-to-kiss walkthrough? society teaches us how to behave, we got all the knowledge, we are free to examine, explore.. search through the wisdom of a mankind.. we are free to think..

what we almost forgot is to live.. feel free to live in society, feel free to live in the countryside far away from everyone.. just live.. be yourself, just you..

selfishness..

be more selfish.. you are nobody's business.. everybody has the right to be yourself.. to not care about the others.. the rules are the same.. time is cruel, time is passing by like flowing river.. take the time for you.. you are the most important.. go for your taste, for your thirst, dreams! enjoy the life, do not get stuck.. do not postpone the things for them your thirst is just burning you.. do not say that tomorrow is day too.. do it today, do it right now..

tell that you love, tell that you hate, cry, smile, laugh.. smash the glass, scream, dance, kiss, do love, drink, eat, sleep, run, tell the truth, be honest.. live

dream..

there was a little girl.. girl full of magic.. girl who does spells..
there was a girl.. girl who changes her moods as the weather change itself..
there was a girl a girl who is a fairy, a girl who is a princess of the well hidden magic forest..

i met this girl and my life became a rainbow.

i hear the voices..

i hear the voices and smiles .. the voices of my heart.. i hear the joyfull laugh.. it is my love.. it is me and my love running through a field of grass.. running and smiling.. laughing.. the arms are wide open, hands are soaking the sun.. fingers are playing with the autumn wind.. her laugh is making me become a man from a fairy tale.. he voice is like thousand and one fairy tales.. she is my princess.. we feel the morning dew on our bare foots..

we are running through the field and arms are wide open.. our arms become wings and we can fly.. she is faster than me.. covering me with her wings we found ourselves laying next to each other..

i hear her laugh, she is my love..

green fields..

there are many green fields.. well hidden ones.. ones not so well hidden, big fields and fields so small that even for the ant they represents a green desert..

i found myself lying on a green field.. lying in the high grass.. almost sleeping.. no.. i fell asleep.. and then i woke up.. and i found myself lying on a green field..

the is a rain drop.. a rain drop who doesnt know when she was born.. whether she is from the river or from the big cloud full of steam.. is she the temperature making the steam water again? she doesnt know.. one think she knows everything, but she is the falling one.. on the surface of the drop you can see our world as a little fancy painting..

i found myself lying on a green field.. lying in the high grass and watching a blueish cloud coming .. i was sleeping.. and then i woke up.. and i found myself lying on a green field..

there is a wind.. a wind waving with the grass.. a strong wind taking the trees out of the dry soil.. a breeze caressing your face.. a stormy wind crazy like a little child, jumping from one side to another..

i found myself lying on a green field and a drop was falling towards the brown soil.. the earth blow out lighter wind who took the drop a little distance far..

there was a world.. full of love

i found myself lying on a green field and a drop kissed my forehead..

two worlds..

there are many worlds and we are living in a few of them.. sometimes we just step out from one and step in to other one.. there is a world around us and there is a world inside of us.. there is a world just behind the backyeard.. there is a world just before our steps which we hardly reach..

may happen that we try to listen, try to understand the other one.. try to catch the sense, the meaning of the deeds, of the words, sentences.. but we just do not.. we are captured by some world, mostly our world.. and we know, we see, we hear, we touch, but we do not listen, we know that the words are wise, that there is maybe the truth, just is hard to listen, hard to raise the hand and let the world fall in our arms..

sometimes is so difficult to let the worlds melt into one..

semptember's thursday morning

break the reading of "the name of the rose" from umberto eco with a book named "a spot of bother" from an author of "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time". while reading the book, thought about the old age of a human and was carried by my imagination to a land full of joy, where a house with garden is settled and a near by river or a stream is crossed by a wooden bridge. a land full of yellowish and redish sunsets, land full of magic moons and lovely breeze playing with your hair or giving you light kisses on your face.

imagined how i wake up and see my love sleeping next to me, giving her a light kiss on her forehead and thank the angels for such marvelous woman. make her blanket cover her so the cold morning breeze would not tickelish her lovely feet. watching her sleepin' and again and again contemplate about the fact how beautiful she is and what does she mean for me.

at the end of thinking just admit that my dream became a reality. stealing a part of her blanket and joining my love by her side, give her a hug and enjoy the beautiful moment of another marvelous and magic morning.

money money.. money

and again money.. it seems that nowadays we changed everything for money, for money you can buy everything, health, love, life! for money you can get much attention. with money you have power, because this world is ruled by the money. with money you can even buy another life, even a life of someone's else. money, money..

one nice thought is if everything what you get for money is real [not sure with this thought].. is the health real, if you need buy some? is the power the true? are the money the matter of power? something is wrongly set up.. the whole society, it seems to be one magic cirlcle from which we cannot escape.. and we earn money for such silly things sometimes.. and the countries are in wars, and some people are evil and the truth power, the power of good, the power of human, the power of smile and love is covered by the power of money. love smells good, money stinks.

something is not all right!

pay attention..

to words.. to your thoughts.. think before you will say something, think before you will write something.. every word contains a magic meaning, with words you can change the world, with words you do spells, with words you are.. they are strong, they are powerful, they are full of hidden secrets, they change your moods..

give yourself..

give yourself, give yourself and you will get more back.. give dreams and you will get the reality.. give me a word and i will give you whole sentence..

to be selfish.. i fully agree.. everyone should be selfish enough to be able to fulfill the dreams, the wishes, to follow the signs.. but if you will keep everything for yourself, all the satisfaction will be not worth of it.. share and you will get more.. open.. truth.. thoughts.. dreams.. worries.. doubts.. tell them to the wind, tell them to the sun, moon, river.. tell them.. share them with the world.. share them.. give them out.. let them be, let them fly, let them melt in the sun rays, in the moon magic in the star dust.. smile, love and live.