one day before..

friday and i again went to library.. it is a deadline day.. tomorrow exams will come and i have still a chance to learn something.. i know all around the world they say that we should give ourselfs relax before any mind exams, but i dont think this works for me, i am much more calmer if i again check the knowledge i was able to gather and then i get piece in form of a calm night - otherwise i would tell myself that i did not do all what was needed for it.. that i was lazy and did not prepare enough.. i have a very good mood, we plan a trip abroad again and this time it could be very nice cultural city in italy or spain.. who knows maybe we will end up in croatia between many czech citizens who decided to go for "cheap" vacation..

moving out of the flat, thats what awaits me in the next weeks, firstly to find a flat with a good price, then move in and sell the old one.. the best thing would be to have all this behind me already.. well i am pretty curious how this little big flat story will end..

thoughts..

so many things around you and you have to pick just one.. "if you take one way you sacrifice the other one" and once you come back you are a 'different' person..

loneliness..

what it is about what we all are doing? tell me someone.. why if i wake up with a feeling of missing someone/something then what is the reality if however i do pay attention to it in fact i cannot change the reality much.. there is something funny here, the lifes of the others seem to be much more easier than ours - they are not..

butterfly hunter..

today my mother would have a bday so with my sister we decided that we should celebrate it somehow (best with a good dinner).. so the idea was to go to city center and have some japan food in a very stylish japan restaurant but when i saw in the morning how beautiful weather it is outside i have decided that we will cook our food and we will eat it in the nature..

unfortunately sister was not able to free her time.. i went to the shop and bought things for the delicious meal i had in plan to cook.. i started cooking and once it was done i have packed it and with my black god friend we went for a little trip.. we went to a secret place not many people know it there and on my way to the place i decided that i will try to take a beautiful picture of an butterfly.. it seems that i would not be a good butterfly hunter because i could not take a beautiful picture of any.. i dont bother myself with it - the sky is beautiful and the fresh air cooling my cooked food is marvelous.. want to spend many moments like this one!

i could not let the moment leave like that so i took some photos

the bubble world..

somehow this weekend the strange urge in me.. like i would drink a coctail which would put the colors i can see with my eyes more into contrast.. there is this urge coming from the fact that i am able see the difference.. the questions are hanging on a silky ropes in my mind disappear, burst always when a pure bubble touches them.. this weekend i had blewn a lot of bubbles.. everything started with friday evening when all the week thinking came to an end. the mind became cleaner at the one time, when in other one was fulfilled by those bubbles.. each bubble is coming from a part of me, each bubble is meant to burst at least one hanging question.. i am sure that it will be not this weekend when there will be no more questions hanging in my mind, but it is this weekend when i found the sense in blowing bubbles..

saturday afternoon..

sitting in a close nature reservation, my dog in front of me, singing birds sitting on their twigs in the tree's crowns.. if i look towards the blue sky i can see many flies doing their acrobatic exhibition time to time getting close to sit on my skin..

strange.. thats how it is today.. in the morning all what i was please to do was to lie in the bed and read mr. geertz book the interpretation of cultures.. then it came to my mind that i am lazy and that it was enough to be in bed for this part of day and that i should start doing 'something'.. so i put a CD to the hi-fi and played sting's it's probably me song while i was washing dishes my dog came and with a look just she can do asked me to spend some time in the nature with her.. i got a feeling that i have my life in my hands, that i know what to do.. with that feeling i started to walk in the flat, thinking how many bacis things are enough to run a 'full life'.. and i found out that many things in the flat do not fit into 'that' cathegory..

finally i decided to dress up and go for a little walk.. sitting here in the grass, flies all over me, my dog running happily around and i feel how beautiful a 'simple life' can be..

p.s. many people asked me what i mean with the 'simple life' phrase.. a simple life according to my mind means a life where i dont need to solve anything else just things closely connected to the survival of a humankind.. (with all pleasures of life)

waiting..

finally came home and first thing what i did was to prepare for tomorrow - last day in the week but still lot of things to do, much time in library due the exam preparation, few emails to friends, little planning ahead with europe travels, administration of bank accounts and market analyses.. beautiful busy life.. i am happy for the moments which i can spend carefree holding her hand and lying on a green field or at least margit island in budapest (still remember the moment where we were lying there last summer, the clouds were lazily swimming in the blue sky ocean, in one moment it started to rain and people were leaving the island but we stayed, just a few rain drops and the sun reappear and we were holding each others hands.. immense love)

came home.. at the same moment my woman enjoys a concert of peterfi bori.. i wish she would really enjoy it (and i am unbelievably jealous.. wrr)

my first hungarian class..

i would say that today was marked as a hungarian day.. finally my hungarian language class was launched, with full bag (dictionary, grammar book etc.) i started today's walk to the office, no hungarian marks in the morning (could be because i have read a german book) and in the office it was easy to look forward for my afternoon class, just one thing left - jump to the library and then after some time join the new teacher (just a moment before the class i met my hungarian friend and i was happy to see him again) - my new teacher is a smart slovak/hungarian guy who is living 9 years in prague, he studied MATFYZ (math-physics university) and now he is much into anthropology (dont know where his aim broke down to this field of study).. the teaching is his hobby.. what else? he did not play my game.. he knows czech/slovak and i tried to convince him to at least explain me some grammar in a language i know but he came with a method that everything will be in hungarian.. i need to tell that it is tough to understand language basics if they are explained in a lnaguage you dont know (i found myself looking at my new teacher with wonder in my eyes and usually what left my mouth was "nem ertem" - i dont understand.. after some while i got used to the fact that my strategy failed and i adapted to the rules - that everything will be in hungarian.. good that i recognized that the fight is not worth - it gave me much to try to speak in foreign language..

God seems to have good sense of humor (same as my woman).. when i was travelling home i decided that i will take a walk home and together with me got off from a bus a lady.. firstly she walked in front of me and i could not hear what she is telling to her cell, but as i was faster i got in front of her and to my wonder the girl spoke pure hungarian.. (trully i felt like a hungarian invazion to prague started just a while ago)

my hungarian life..

before i met her i was vegetarian, my supervisor appreciated my time planning, my sister was happy to talk with me, my dog had plenty of time to bite my hand and take me for a walk to the forest, my life got upside-down

after i fell in love with a hungarian girl i needed to change my habits, i became an omnivore, that was the first thing i needed to change - it was the first sentence she told me "no meat, no relationship"..

after i fell in love with the gorgeous girl my supervisor becomes nervous every time i am giving her a request for vacation - i dont see anything bad about giving her requests for my vacation one or two days before the vacation starts..

after i fell in love with the beautiful woman my sister lost the possibility to take my time and update me with news from her very interesting life..

after i fell in love with the intelligent one my dog lacks the time when i walk with her for loooong walks, now instead of this looong walks i sit in bus and travel to hungary..

i am in love with this crazy girl and my life is still upside-down.. rollecoaster.. jungle.. all what i missed till now was a bit orientation.. it is here, it was just in me.. all what i needed was a bit of time and enough patience from her..

nagyon köszönöm

again..library..

and i am here again..sitting in the library, feeling the urge to study, to explore to go to the depth of the topic.. searching old books, philosophy, adventure, culture.. reading and trying to interpret written empiric things into a language understandable for the majority, trying to connect things written in one book with things written in another one, trying to get a consensus, glued idea of two ideas which did not know that they have something in connection..

i love this passion for knowledge..

cruel morning..

"like i would be hit by a wooden paddle" crossed my mind today's morning while walking to the office.. what? do i sustain with schizophrenia already? what is happening with me? yesterday my heart was filled with love, i could not get enough of her blue eyes and today again waking up alone, brushing my teeth and thinking how much i miss her.. what is this world about? should not i spend the time with her? why the separation is needed? for what? what if tomorrow a car will hit one of us (we cannot think about this every day, otherwise our lifes would be completely different).. in the beginning i thought that part of my soul is in her and part of her soul is in me.. i cannot give any visible proof of this, all i know is that i want to be by her side forever..

question is what does she want? such a beautiful woman, such a marvelous princess.. life can be pretty cruel.. (i dont want to spend my life with somebody i would not be happy with)

natural schizophrenia

like i would lie in two different worlds. one cold one turning about money, word wars and selfishenss and the other one filler with wam caress, enriching discussions and love. there would not be the second world without the first one. all what i want to make the second world big enough..

there are two different kind of wars. in one world the war respects the archaic rules, honesty and respect. other was is fight with all kinds of poisoned tricks. in the fisrt kind of wars you grow up in the second one you need to gifht for your own life. both kind of wars are "must to" be lived through to become complete. one thing is very important - dont mix the habits of the two kinds of war!

the way..

got onboard the bus, the fee is paid (needed to change my date from monday to tuesday) listening to the music playing on the bus and waiting for the people to get on.. looked to the left where a billboard place is - a coca cola commercial says "nem vagyok szupernö" a picture of a lady where in the backgroung is a comics superwomen.. maybe she is not a superwomen but i kknow at least one.. it is not easy to live with them but it makes the life being true live!

waiting for the bus at nepliget..

sitting in the nepliget park, people apssing by, everybody aims for something esle today. i dont. i sit here waiting to be again separated from my love. i know it is needed. no, not needed. it is a part of what i've decided for. i picked this way. the way which is long and dangerous but the most delicious fruits grow only here. there is just one women like here and i dont want any other. for some time we need to bare the fact of living a life alone while we know that we loose the time being together. we sacrificed it for something bigger, for something with higher value, for something what will make us happy (for sure that i doubt if i should not rather spend all the time with her)..
sitting hear and dreaming about smile on her face, she is mine.. i please her, i love her, she is my woman! is ghe will be captured i go and find her. nobody will hurt my woman. she is the one who deserves my love

talking about all this on a wednesday's morning, when she still sleeps in her flat far far from me is making me sad for many reasons.. for the reason that i spent marvelous time with her lately, for the reason that i know how marvelous she is and also from the fact of fear that if i will not be with her then i will be forgotten..