laziness..

it is easy to be lazy.. nothing to do, just let the life pass by.. it is easy to be scared.. and most of the time this happen to me.. to be scared and instead of fight with it.. to run away.. then.. might happen, that the life could be described as "unactiveness"..

that's what we cannot allow, that's what we cannot let happen.. not because the human could easy find himself as being lost and that's even tougher to fight with, but also that you might wake up after few years and while looking back you would realize, that you waste many precious moments, few months, or few years of your marvelous life..

time to time, not even the closest ones can help you, well maybe they can, but you think that they cannot.. just, believe in yourself.. believe in the dream you have, believe in all the thirst for life you have when you are happy, eager to live..

dont be satisfied with the reached goal.. you will always need to have more, to gather more knowledge, to gather more love, to gather more life.. why? because then we can give more, because then our life is spicy, because then we live!

one wise philosopher said.. the human being is easy to become lazy. why? because it is natural.. the problem is, that when the human is lazy, he or she thinks, that the world is not moving anymore.. and that's it.. to be able to live, we need to move! to do! to think! to love! to give and to take!

he personally said me to live, to love and to think.. the life needs to have a movement, like a beating heart!

so.. let's move!

my dream..

i need to write it down.. split it up and let the dream being spew out.. my studies.. doing a bit research in humanity studies, meeting people, study the history and behavior, psychology, reasons, grounds and the thinking of old masters. i want to study, i want to earn money coz i want to live in a country of my dreams. i want to live with my lady to find out if we can live together or not, i want to live with her, because she brings me joy, happiness, she brings me power and among the others also tears, sadness and understanding.. she brings me all the spectrum of feelings..

what does she want? does she feel the same? why did she pick me? did she pick me? who am i? young man, trying to be someone, to be responsible, to take care, i try to settle down in my soul.. i cannot change the world, frstly i need to change myself..

i hunt for money, because i need them.. if i want to have nice house, i need to buy it, if i would like to move, i need to have money. cannot change the world without them.. not nowadays

i want to live with her, yeah, winter is coming, end of november and i am telling you that i want to live with my lady.. i dunno how it will be after some time, i cannot foretell.. what i know is, that i am in love, time to time i dont understand her, but it doenst mean, that i do not love her, she is my best friend and i assume that i know what she needs..

question is simple.. should i give myself to someone? is it worth? what if my senses, my heart is mistaken? how can i know that she is the one?

answers are in me.. yes, because if i will give myself, i live.. and i also take! worth? no doubts! how can be my heart mistaken? i sense how fragile she is, my lady, i sense what she needs, i sense what she wants.. i sense who she is.. how can i know that she is the one?

for this i have just one answer..

i believe!!

she..

who we are? what is our life? do i want to wake up everyday early in the morning and go to the office? do i want to spend my lovely life in the office? this is a tiny revolution in me.. i dont have work.. i love it and i think also for human being it is necessary to work.. but i think a work.. something for yourself.. something what will bring you joy, something what doens't suck the energy from you..

the days become to be grey, mon till fri.. everyday.. the same.. waking up, towards office, finish.. and then my life starts.. everyday i eat 8 hours of my life by doing something what doens't bring me joy..

this is the revolution in me.. i miss my studies, i have the thirst for knowledge.. i miss my lady coz she is not living here.. i miss the moments of joy, with her, with friends, to travel, scotland, argue and then talk, love and sadness, lovely experiences and mystical nature, i miss her smile..

i am sad..

taking breath..

down.. at the bottom.. trying to see the light above my head.. this is not how i want it.. not like this.. get together, this is not how it should be.. open your eyes and see that you need to live, but to live means also have responsibility, to think a step ahead, to try to be better..

take a breath, have your time and change the inner world.. there you should start, only with that you would be able to change the space around you..

life is a big adventure..

lets grow..

when i met her i thought that it will be different. when she met me she thought it will be different. not better or worse, just different. sometimes.. man would think that this is really the reason why men group themselfs in pubs and watch soccer match. but then if you really think about it, you realize, that there is nobody who would have such marvelous girl as you have. you realize that it is worth to fight against the misunderstanding, to ask and the let the wise silent moments. never give up.

you feel like throwing everything away, but you will not do it for many reasons. you are not a coward and you face the life as it is. do not give up. if you would, you would regret it till the end of your being. i love her and i will have always strenght to fight with everything. to become a little wizard.. using spells.. i want to be with her, because she is so unique, so beautiful, so kind and childish, so cute and so marvelous. take care of my most precious one! thats what i feel.

i love her.

in pub feeling lonely..

sitting in a pub in bratislava. not hungry nor thirsty however feeling lost, feeling alone, missing my opposite part. feeling like a traveler who would leave the cozy home. i love adventure, i love walking in nature, i love thinking about life.

your inner world is her. you have a bit of her in you. feeling lovenly coz i am missing a girl. i am missing a marvelous girl. she came and burned everything what was mine. thats what i was thinking. in fact she came and let me grow. she put the thirst into my heart. she set up the challenge of my life. she bites, she screams, she cries, she loves, she gives. she is beautiful. she playes with her own rules. i am missing this girl whoever would say that i am crazy, maybe i am , just i cannot stop loving her. struggles, pain, tears, anger. everything is part of this world. i fight with it. does she see what i am? does she see what i am doing? does she love me? or does she love her idea of man and tries me to put in that? to change me into her idea?

i grow and i love. i love her, just her. she is not superficial, she is not normal, she is crazy and full of colors. i love her. there is nothing what would stop loving me her. nothing except her!!

treasure hunter from portobello

there was a little girl. on the portobello coast she was searching for the sea shells. like a little bird, bended down, looing for the most beautiful ones. the kind ocean washes her feet. she kindly asks to wash the sea shells from the sand and the ocean obeys, comes and washes the sea shells for her. her beautiful fairy legs and feet let a footprint in the sand behind her, but nobody knows, the magic ocean make them disappear again. i never saw more joyfull girl in my life. every beautiful sea shell brought her such joy and happiness. she loves. her friends love such sea shells and she loves to give them presents. she is so happy about it.

never saw such beautiful girl. who saw her had to fall in love. all the light, all energy of the world is hidden in her. she is sensitive, you can hurt her with a word but if you take her into arms she shines like the night moon.

she is the most beautiful fairy.

..decadence..

..still we are just humans.. beautiful, cruel, ugly, honest and full of lies.. uncertainty, concers, worries.. unfulfilled dreams, but also unforgettable sunsets, full of different feelings, might brain and soul full of energy..

do not fall down into despair.. there is always some way.. even if it seems that there is any, look under your shoes and you will find one.. and it is just up to you if you will change it or not..

my love is just one.. i love just one woman and i think this is something what is important for me.. why? why i do not sleep with as much as many women when i have the possibility? why i do not get to know with many of them and enjoy the life? because i do.. i enjoy my life.. i give, i gave and it is very edifying, exalting.. deeper, brighter, colorful.. the bottom of the depth is covered by different shells, different doors, nice paintings, a hidden sky and dreamy sound.. i want to go to the depth, i dont want to stay at the surface.. i want to feel all the feelings, i want to become the one with whom she feels secure, calm and cozy in my hug..

i chose my way.. nobody told me to do it, but everybody is telling me how to do it.. how can they know? i chose the way, i am walking the path, i know the circumstances, i know direction of the blowing wind, where the sun goes up and where it goes down, i know the full moon on the night sky and the shining stars..
they are not wrong, they want help, but do they understand me? do they know me? do they see what i see? i am thankfull for all their advices, i am thankfull for all the books, but same as in the books, my story is not exactly the same, we could find some similarities, but my life is not a novel..

trust yourself and listen to all.. give and take.. be the one in your soul! doesnt matter how crazy it is, there will be always your beloved one who will try to understand you..

you only live once..

word is just a thought..

use your fantasy, use your will, your hands and legs, speak, sing and dance, sleep, love and run.. in your mind, many thoughts are appearing, in this moment, just catch one and write it down on some piece of paper..

do you see the word? now you materialised your thought. your thought is on the paper right now. it became something different.. do the miracle and play with the word, paint it, do it, think about it more and more, feel it, swallow it, touch it, kiss it, caress it.. cuddle the word in your hands, mind, soul and heart.. many many thoughts become forgotten. do not let it happen again

do the miracle and blow the word a soul, blow her or him the life and let him live, you did it already while writing it down on the paper.. now it is up to you what will be the next step.

do what comes to your mind, do, live and love

oh my goodness..

where is it? trying to look for it.. where is the goodness?.. seems that everything around me is fulfilled with selfishness.. i would lie, not everything, there are still some lighthouses showing me the way with their light, pure, warm and light full of goodness.. but still it is not enough.. or maybe it is, just it is disappearing in the world so easy.

the way of being selfish is an easy way, it is something what can be recognized very well, something what shines, something what blinks.. being good means to do sacrifices, means to be hidden and let the deeds speak instead.. but who'll listen to them? who'll see them?

again i found out, that if i would like to survive, to life my dream life the harmony needs to be set up. if there is an extrem there should be an extrem at the other end of the pole. the life should be full of different things, like a rainbow, like a night and day. a bit lazy, but also hardworking. it is not good to be too much lazy or too much hardworking.. put it in harmony and life is brightfull..

be a man..

inside of my body is something pulsing.. a seed.. the water for growing came from my beloved, from my closest ones, from friends.. becoming a man.. a bit brassy.. but good, own dreams, but the best place for my beloved, support but not so much, she is powerful enough and i cannot let her become a lazy person.. thirst for body? all the time.. romance? mixed with the wildness!! pride full of dreams, but still me. let the world turn around.. let the night become a day and day become a night.. i will be still here.. taking the lessons of life.. trying to be someone.. no being lazy, letting the life run down between my finger..

i am here and the world is growing, i am growing with him/her.. i am becoming a man..

for free..

nothing is for free.. there are many thigs which can be seen, but we will not see them until we look for them, there are many options how to be good, but we will not reach the level until we sacrifice something, there is an option to love, but we will not be loved if we will not give anything..

if you are lazy, you cannot reach anything.. if you want to be something, do anything for it, if you want become the one from your dream, you need to fight for it. the life is beautiful but nothing comes for free..

fight for your dreams, do anything, dont give up

body..

i fell in love with a naked body.. it is a part of love i treasure for her.. her body is like a dream, like a volcano, hot, warm, burning.. she is like living energy.. giving and taking

it is the love, the celebration of love, possible way how to get your body to heaven and get back with your beloved one. it is a moment when you do not know where you are, what is the time, who you are, you feel, you dont know where, you feel the pulsing energy, you dream, you are very vulnerable, you fly, you swallow, you give and you take, you let and you do, you desire and you are eager.. you love and you are loved.. this is not something purely physical, this is not what your body wants, this is what your body and soul wants.. this is the reunion, this is the fairy tale of love, this is the getting lost in the universe.. this is the thirst, the hidden energy, this is what do women a woman and men a man, this is where the roles are clear, this is something what about you dream, this is the world upside down, where you give and take at the same moment of your being, this is the blessing, the kiss, the caress, the love

do the love passionately, physicaly, do the love with thirst, do it because she is so hot and because he is so marvelous, do it because he is so sexy and she is so amazing, do it in different ways but do it with your heart too, do it with love, with freedom!

the fog is not black like tar

corner stone..

i am trully full of joy.. you will not believe me, but there is something which is driving me crazy, in a good way. something, a girl, who is so girlish, so childish, so cute and marvelous, that in some moments its a real thread. she is sooo sensitive, that even the shape of one letter, even the sound of the word, even the circumstances of the weather are so important, that you really need to go deep to the bottom of the meaning, just sink to the depth of the sense.

i am thankfull for it, because it taught me a lot. just asking myself if also the other part got something from it, like a true symbiosis. my life is like a rainbow, the whole spectre of the colors are changing, daily, or in a moment, in this we can experience not only the most happiness, but also the depth of the sorrow, fekete day and fehér night, the world upside down.

even if everything is chaos, even if the world is upside down, i would like to be a corner stone for someone, she knows what about i am talking and if she listens to my words, she knows what about i am talking. just give me your hand and the sun and the moon will shine for us.

lesson of my life..

there was a time when i wished to die..

what? yeah, i wanted.. i wanted because i learned some things, but the time when i learned them was not the right time.. and there was nobody who would help, just Him.. angels, fairies, moon shine and sun rays.. cold wind covered the city and warm sun rays caressing the face of my angel..

time to time we should realize what the time is, and how the life is fragile, how one foolish step can change everything.. how the happiness is timid, how the love is precious.. how precious is the move of the cloud, how important are the words, what is the sense of living.. of loving, of giving and taking.

how easily and foolishly a dream can be destroyed, how unwillingly the soul can be taken, squeezed and trampled.. there are moments when your own body, soul and thoughts are not the important ones, there are moments where you would offer them, sacrifice them for someone who is.. who is the everything for you..

there are moments when you finally realize what the world, what the stars, the moon and the sun are trying to show you.. hopefully you will read the signs in the right time.. open your hearts and listen..

do not judge.. at the end everyone will be judged.. everyone has heart, the same beating heart and the same red blood as we have.. love.. love at least for a while and you will never forget the feeling of loving somebody, of being loved.. of the feeling when the soul soaks to the other soul.. the feeling when no matter what is happening, the love is there, warming your souls, your hearts..

love the life, love the girl, love the God, love the people around you.. love not hate! mercy for all who do not love.. be thankfull!

foggy day..

many things happened since last time.. many things happened since i was a little boy.. many things happened since i met an angel..

what a great book, she started.. i love that book, and i am similar like one character in it!, really?, i answered, so then i will read it, i heard many rumours 'bout the book and for sure i would like to get you know more, be a bit closer.

thats how it started and i read the book and i am completelly amazed, the author's description skills, so many levels, surfaces in one book, so many references and such a clever book.. thoughtfull and full of surprises.. give a chance to such book, let the book to catch your hand and take you down to the bottom of the ocean of words.. you will not drown.. no no no, trust a bit and your reward will be a marvelous experience. thank you bulgakov, thank you master and margarita, thank you messire..