nagyon koszonom..

many ppl can read the posts, and all of them can think different things about them.. actually they really think differently.. just this one, this little post is meant to be just for one of you.. to do a public confession? crazy he is, you might think.. i think so too, crazy i am, crazy for...

the mornings where i dont need to wake up and go to the office..
the time when i eat delicious food prepared with love or by 5 michelin star cooker..
moment where i can see her eyes..
time deep down in night when i sleep and nothing else just my soul dreams..
memories of my childhood..
times when i am eager to do adventure, full of energy and taste
the picture of her when she is smiling.
laying in the high grass which is waving in the spring breeze
deep in thoughts to sit on a stone next to a river..
gentle kisses from her..
dreams pushed up by my heart, playing with the memories of future..
falling snowflakes, bushing raindrops, warm sun rays, spring and autumn wind, milky fog
swiming naked in a river..
walking up to a hill with a bag full of delicious cooked and raw things ready to do picnic..
to hear her laugh..
to feel her hand, or her skin touching mine..
the unbelievable fast moments compared to the hours which seems to be long as a whole days..
to see her eyes and to hug her..

cold morning..

coughing, snowflakes falling down through the opened window, morning freeze caressing my face, the rest of me is tightly covered by warm blanket.. after waking up, my body leads me to the kitchen, inside i still sleep, if somebody would meet me i would be marked as "soul-less" or sleepwalker.. my hands prepare tasty breakfast while the brain is out of order, it seems that i've became a breakfast animal whoms only instict is to prepare the breakfast..

once i walk in the bathroom and pour water on my face the man in me is finally awaken by the cold and wet blizzard.. automatically my hand reaches the tooth-brush and the other one the tooth-paste.. i do not dare to look at me in the mirror, i had enough nightmares over the night so asking God to guard me against this last one He let my eyes to be closed..

soon, nicely dressed up and prepared, leaving the flat with another goal of the day.. the breakfast challenge and mirror nightmares are behind, the rising sun, freezing skin and time when my brain works in a field i am not interested in awaits me.. the fact that behind all that is another great idea drives me forward.. for how long?

overloaded..

my mind is overloaded.. so many things whirling around, so many decisions, so many open things which need to be done.. so many doubts and so many words telling me opposite meaning at the same time.. how to end this i have no idea, meditation came to my mind but i still did not sit down, closed my eyes and tried to calm down my mind and let the heart speak..

questions following me since my childhood, since i've tried to understand the world, the rules, the language are still in my mind and they do not get their answer yet, waiting impatiently, knocking on my soul, trying to get some attention.. so many variables are affecting our life, so many things we cannot change, but which are happening around us, so many things we need to accept because there is not other way, just to assimilate, i am not saying we should be satisfied with it, we still should fight for better days but there are many things we cannot change.. they happened once and we need to take them as they are, the history cannot be changed (and i am afraid, nor the future)..

who is in charge to give us sticks and twigs under our legs, obstacles we need to fight with? in which hands are our lifes? who decides who will die in young age, who will die on cancer, whom will kill a crazy driver?

the men is the brightest sun.. apart from animals who accepts the world so as it is, the man want always something better, the men need to fight with the consequences, the men need to solve the disturbing grumble inside his body, the men have to be strong inside otherwise will become a walking skeleton covered by flash and skin.. the soul is the sun

tough way of..

living.. exactly, i am talking about the fact, that if you are satisfied with that what you have, routine day work, watching tv in nights, partying, reading books, if you do not want to change the set up, everything is fine.. yeah, you have dreams, you have taste for better life, to reach some goal up there, but it is very very tiring, time consuming, to much thinking and energy..

it is always so it seems that the world is against you, you wanted to buy the house, but no no, economy crises, you wanted to change the job, bu no no, the companies are kicking the people out, you wanted to learn new language, but no no, you dont have time, you wanted to save some money, but no no, there were another costs which needed to be paid..

the change, the fight for something is always difficult, it makes us think that everything is pushing us to stay.. status quo.. that we should not try to change, but accept what we have..

it could be so..

that these parts of one big story would be taken as stories about love.. (the one to whom is this post mention to knows what i mean by that) to be honest it is not just about it.. everything what i write here is my life.. my feelings, everything what i can put donw on paper, everything what i can see in front of my eyes instead of keeping it in my mind where i cannot see the other sides of one thought..

yes i admit last half a year the topic was mainly touching love, the reason could be that i met love, finally i can say that i experienced love in a way.. love shining like rainbow, love where i think that the world is the most beautiful thing, love which let me be lazy, love with made my stomach be more sensitive for feelings, love which made me angry and sad, love which brought me pieces of understanding, love which brought me experience..

hope i will not be misunderstood when i say.. love is life and life is love.. any kind of love, let it be a love towards parents, love towards kids or your beloved one, love for life, love for dreams, love to find the rabbit in the hole.. just have passion and taste for it and never give it up, we all know that life can put us time to time pretty down, thats the time to note why we fell and stand up again, to stand up and to face the life with honesty, passion and love

the idea..

i imagined it that she will admire me. that i will be the only one for her. that she will get blind. there can be many men around her, in her heart there would be just one.. doesn't matter if someone is more handsome, or is trying to get her attraction for her, there is just one man, me. she would go in a snow blizzard just to meet me, she would feel that only my caress, only my words can give her what she needs..

there are many types of love and i do not know them all.. some of them are hidden in the heart, shining just time to time, but rather being in the cozy place where they do not need to face the reality so much. some of them are at the surface, looking for the quality of the other one while not seeing the deeper meaning, some of them are sweet like honey, some of them bitter.. i cannot describe what is the love, coz everybody feels the love in a different way.. i cannot command somehow to love me in a certain way.. the word has a value and to be honest is something very much precious.. but even words cannot live, not if we do not give them their souls.. we can always see what's the meaning of the word if we see they eyes, there we can see the value..

to fill the words with soul, with deeds, with life

symbols, there is no..

white without a black color. there is no day without night and no happiness without sadness.. there is not man without woman and no left hand without right hand. there is no sun without moon and no up without down.. no life without death, no heaven without hell, there is no light without dark, no cold without hot, no good without bad and no beautiful without ugly..

it seems that we live in a world full of opposites.. seems that we need to live them through until we do not experience bad we cannot experience good, until we do not experience beauty we cannot experience nausea. there is always something to compare, past with future, two boy standing next to each other, two beautiful flowers growing on the field..

does anybody know how to see the "beauty" of someone without being compared?

how to..

how to love crossed my mind.. is there any answer for that? to be honest i dont think there is an answer which would be applicable for everybody.. for sure you will not love somebody just by telling him/her that you love them. you will not love somebody if you think that love is slavery.. you will not love somebody if you do not live..

love needs to breathe, move, change, grow, get experienced, love needs drama, love needs tears, sadness, dark times after which come the light and butterflies in stomach..

there are many kinds of love.. keep the one you have, treasure it and take care of it

hungarian language..

it happened that i met a hungarian girl. you know hungarians, proud of their nature, a bit nationalistic, talking with language an european would not understand until you wouldnt record it and play it backwards..

she talks about hungarian with a passion in her eyes, describing interesting parts of history, telling you stories and myths about the old hungarian nation. there is nobody who would make you be interested in this language more than her. so i became a fan of the language, studying the grammar, learning vocabulary, feeling proud when i can take out my grammar sheet in subway and solve the big bug questions in my head..

this little big adventure to the hungarian language basics is making me being amazed by the fact that something so "different-like" from all the other european languages gives you a great journey to the roots of your mind. sad thing is that all the beautiful poetry, interesting philosophy and great pieces of arts are locked by the language difference.