it is getting closer..

after such a long time I am writing again here some of my thoughts..my soul mate did not talk to me since ever, I did not try to contact..seems we separated, just sometimes thoughts and memories brings her to me and I do enjoy it. I bit sad, a bit melancholic a bit confused I am talking with her. my life changed a bit and I need to take it as it is, can't rewind the time back. there there in the autumn slow air filled with colored leaves comes a wedding, and I am becoming a little bit scared, my choice, my proposal, my idea, my will and still I am not sure inside whether I am doing right or wrong. It seems like I am just standing and my hands are doing something, I am just starring and my mouth is talking something, I do not control my behaviour anymore in this.
she is like somebody I love but still getting used to. still exploring her light and dark sides. still trying to find path. are days when I am just asking myself what I am doing, how come I gave up what everything I had, what I loved, what I truly loved and got another chance, getting used to the new love, getting used to the scent, color and moods it is giving me. sometimes doubtful, sometimes sure like there is not other way for me.
of course I miss my soul mate, my first and last love I had. she was my first and first loves will never be erased from any heart. but instead of taking the path of my heart, I took the part of my dreams. sometimes the two, heart and dreams do cross each other and in those moments everything radiates with good energy, vibe, mood. but sometimes I miss my heart beating in my dreamy world and my dreamy world lacks reality in my beating.