thoughs on Friday morning..

again I have a feeling that the lifetime is going sooo fast. It is spring already and yet till the next Christmas much of our time, but it will come soon, maybe even too soon.
I guess she really likes me, but man's mind is strange, discussing, guessing, advising, why I am thinking about such thing if she is doing me breakfast because she is such a good person, or because she loves me? what if she is doing breakfast to everybody and I am just another everybody? probably people want to be special for the other one, they want to be loved. (really?!) I know all the wisdom says that the true love is when you give love, not when you receive one, and still it is such a nice feeling to be loved (not talking about the feeling being in love). Therefore I do believe man should feel inside that he/she is loved. but what if he/she does not feel that? although it is obvious that he/she are with us because they love us. am I not opened enough to feel loved? or is it because my soul tells me my true love (was) is somewhere else? I am not sure, but of course, these are doubts nobody else but me can solve, no matter how, if time will show the truth or if God explains it to me in other way.
first day in week after so many mornings with sun, came with darkish sky, no rain, but also no through-window-shining sun. she is not next to me this time, traveling in the country for business, thus I needed to wake up without any kiss, but no matter how did I wake up I feel I love her. or am I just telling it to myself, because she is such a good person? and should I have doubts? doubts, they were also part of my other love, my soulmate, at the beginning we, or just she, or both?, had them, but later on, we told ourself, doubts are like stones on a dusty road in forest, you walk on the road and you need to overcome obstacles. my question rather is, why do we think about doubts, why do we have them? why do not we see clearly? who is bringing such thoughts to our minds? us? friends? family? society? all together? fighting and fighting against these doubts might become a big part of our life, instead of fighting doubts, we should learn how to see more clearly, or how to be solid in our grounds, so no doubts as a wind would blow away what we already have.
my soulmate closed channel between us, she told me it is better for me, but I think it is better for both of us. of course I miss the communication, moreover I miss her as a person, but probably she knows better than I and she did the right thing.
today I am leaving for a trip to nature, no capital, smaller towns, villages, forest and curvy roads, looking forward walking there and have a small break